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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2018 22:50:51 GMT
He’s told me I must stop masturbating
I said why?
He said because I’m trying to examine you
Nite
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Post by pearo on Mar 4, 2018 23:51:59 GMT
I went to the doctor’s today and said to him “ I can’t stop singing Delilah and other Tom Jones’ songs”
The doctor said “ It’s not unusual “
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 0:01:26 GMT
I went to the doctors
I said have you got anything for hiccups?
He jumped up on his desk and shouted BOO!
I said it's for my wife in the car^
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Post by samba :) on Mar 5, 2018 1:03:00 GMT
I went to the doctors I said have you got anything for hiccups? He jumped up on his desk and shouted BOO! I said it's for my wife in the car^  im going to tell that to everyone i know tomorrow |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 1:08:54 GMT
I went to my Dentist today, he said "can you say Aaaaahhhh."
I asked why.
He said cuz his dog had died.
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Post by cooper67 on Mar 5, 2018 1:42:09 GMT
Feckin hell even Basil Brush would be disappointed with these efforts!
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Post by Northy on Mar 5, 2018 6:27:49 GMT
He’s told me I must stop masturbating I said why? He said because I’m trying to examine you Nite would have been better if it was a she doctor, a young attractive one |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 6:34:58 GMT
He’s told me I must stop masturbating I said why? He said because I’m trying to examine you Nite would have been better if it was a she doctor, a young attractive one you are a pervert |
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Post by Northy on Mar 5, 2018 7:48:38 GMT
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Post by felonious on Mar 5, 2018 8:07:56 GMT
Anyone else click on here expecting another "too much information" post  |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 12:47:01 GMT
Anyone else realised all their Dr jokes are either racist, sexist or just plain shit?
I'll have to go back 50 years and change how we lived^
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Post by raythesailor on Mar 5, 2018 13:18:55 GMT
Suprised they could all get appointments. Must be in BUPA. 😜
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 16:40:03 GMT
I went to the doctors
I said every time I have a shit it comes out like chips
He said pull your string vest up
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Post by Northy on Mar 5, 2018 17:01:43 GMT
Suprised they could all get appointments. Must be in BUPA. 😜 doubt it, I made an appointment with them last week, 8 weeks away ! |
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Post by trickydicky73 on Mar 5, 2018 17:05:01 GMT
Feckin hell even Basil Brush would be disappointed with these efforts! And I haven't even joined in yet! |
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Post by Boothen on Mar 5, 2018 17:11:09 GMT
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman goes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "There, you see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2018 23:05:19 GMT
I walked into the doctors yesterday
Bloody hurt I wanted the opticians next door.
I said while I'm here have you got something to make me stiff for the weekend.
He said you can come round my house Friday night and help me move some paving stones
I said no it's for the wife
He said so are the stones.
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Post by auntiegeorge on Mar 6, 2018 11:32:56 GMT
A poorly endowed girl arrived at her cosmetic surgeon. The notice on the door read:
“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 11:42:38 GMT
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
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Post by JurgenVandeurzen on Mar 6, 2018 12:17:45 GMT
I went the doctors the other day to have my prostate checked.
He put his finger in me, and it bloody hurt! I said "Jesus, at least take your ring off"
He replied - "That's my watch"
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Post by kidcrewbob on Mar 7, 2018 1:54:08 GMT
Went to the doctors - he said "what's up with you then?" I said I keep thinking I'm a dog, he said "get up on the couch and I'll examine yiou" - I said I'm not allowed on the couch - he said "how long have you been like this for" - I said ever since I was a puppy........
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Post by pretzel on Mar 7, 2018 7:27:33 GMT
Man goes to his GP and says "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell?"
The doctor writes out a prescription and says "take these tablets and if it's not better by the end of the week, give me a ring!"
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Post by kidcrewbob on Mar 7, 2018 16:50:39 GMT
My Mrs went to the doctors this morning and said doctor doctor I keep having multiple orgasms every time I sneeze, he said are you taking anything for it - she said yes, pepper.....
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Mar 8, 2018 12:18:27 GMT
Went to the Doctors today,all I was wearing was some cling film wrapped around my nether regions.
The Doctor said "I can clearly see your nuts"
Told the Doctor I had broken my arm in several places.
He told me "Then don't go to those places"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2018 13:13:17 GMT
Doctor doctor I can't help it, I just keep thinking I'm a moth
You need a psychiatrist not a doctor.
I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on..
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Post by harryburrows on Mar 8, 2018 16:16:14 GMT
Went to the doctor and said I think I'm a pair of curtains
Pull yourself together he said
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Post by harryburrows on Mar 8, 2018 16:18:01 GMT
Went to the doctor , I raised my arm and said whenever I do this it hurts .
He said , Well don't do it
( tommy cooper )
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Post by harryburrows on Mar 8, 2018 16:20:00 GMT
Went to the doctor and said I seem to have a lettuce growing out of my arse , he took a look and said its just the tip of the iceberg
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Post by scfcwebby on Mar 8, 2018 18:38:57 GMT
I went to the doctor's and slapped my two inches on the doctors desk. The doctor said "What is wrong with it?" I said "It's swollen."
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Post by samba :) on Mar 8, 2018 22:09:02 GMT
Went to the doctor and said I seem to have a lettuce growing out of my arse , he took a look and said its just the tip of the iceberg i heard peter kay do this one i still dont get it |
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im going to tell that to everyone i know tomorrow 
