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Post by fishlovesoatcakes on Aug 27, 2017 2:29:54 GMT
Dear Diary,
I'm starting to worry even more our fans keep singing i'm forever blowing bubbles, which Sarah tells me was Michael Jackson's monkey.
And when we went out last night we passed Fulhams stadium and there was a statue of Jackson there. Surely all my new fans weren't giving sexual favours to his monkey? We have come to a bloody strange place.
Southampton away today, I have won here two seasons on the run with my cut price former team mates, so surely it will be walk in the park for my new team. I have suffered complaints from my new fans who say I didn't even try last week at Man Utd, are they crazy ?!!! I had less ball than a bloody eunuch. Not to worry I will soon have them bowing and singing my name.
I spent last night watching WWE Raw on my Sky TV and see some great forearm smashes, surely this is dangerous ?? But the referee let's it pass. The manager is very positive before the game and tells my team mates to do more passing to me so I can show my class. I feel pumped up and will tear them apart today.
34th minute
Oh my god I'm back in the shower already the stupid bald ref has sent me off for an innocent attempt to protect myself with my elbow and forearm. Does he not watch the bloody wrestling? I am victimised once again versus Southampton just like last season at my little old club. Surely this should not happen at a massive club like West Ham. My manager was shaking his head when I left the pitch, so I think he agrees with me. On the pitch I have one chance with my head, a bloody header I ask you, have they not spent the week watching my you tube clips?!! My team come in and nobody talks to me. I hear one say 2-1 down and only ten men thanks to that foreign dick head, so the bald ref must be American or Australian. I now have to sit on my own for the rest of the day thanks to his error. At least at Stoke I might have had some company from fat Charlie.
Full time and we've lost 3-2, the players come in and moan that the referee has robbed us,so at least they realise he has cheated me now. I point out that our defence is leakier than my grandmas piss flaps back in Austria and three of them try to assault me. What did I say wrong ???
My little old club are on telly and I watch them beat Arsenal 1-0. They have replaced me with a player named Cheapo Motel or something, sounds like a bloody travel lodge.
I think everyday now I make a big mistake Diary. My agent won't answer the phone and his receptionist says he is in the Caribbean spending his commission. Somebody help please !!!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 3:26:08 GMT
Dear Diary, I'm starting to worry even more our fans keep singing i'm forever blowing bubbles, which Sarah tells me was Michael Jackson's monkey. And when we went out last night we passed Fulhams stadium and there was a statue of Jackson there. Surely all my new fans weren't giving sexual favours to his monkey? We have come to a bloody strange place. Southampton away today, I have won here two seasons on the run with my cut price former team mates, so surely it will be walk in the park for my new team. I have suffered complaints from my new fans who say I didn't even try last week at Man Utd, are they crazy ?!!! I had less ball than a bloody eunuch. Not to worry I will soon have them bowing and singing my name. I spent last night watching WWE Raw on my Sky TV and see some great forearm smashes, surely this is dangerous ?? But the referee let's it pass. The manager is very positive before the game and tells my team mates to do more passing to me so I can show my class. I feel pumped up and will tear them apart today. 34th minute Oh my god I'm back in the shower already the stupid bald ref has sent me off for an innocent attempt to protect myself with my elbow and forearm. Does he not watch the bloody wrestling? I am victimised once again versus Southampton just like last season at my little old club. Surely this should not happen at a massive club like West Ham. My manager was shaking his head when I left the pitch, so I think he agrees with me. On the pitch I have one chance with my head, a bloody header I ask you, have they not spent the week watching my you tube clips?!! My team come in and nobody talks to me. I hear one say 2-1 down and only ten men thanks to that foreign dick head, so the bald ref must be American or Australian. I now have to sit on my own for the rest of the day thanks to his error. At least at Stoke I might have had some company from fat Charlie. Full time and we've lost 3-2, the players come in and moan that the referee has robbed us,so at least they realise he has cheated me now. I point out that our defence is leakier than my grandmas piss flaps back in Austria and three of them try to assault me. What did I say wrong ??? My little old club are on telly and I watch them beat Arsenal 1-0. They have replaced me with a player named Cheapo Motel or something, sounds like a bloody travel lodge. I think everyday now I make a big mistake Diary. My agent won't answer the phone and his receptionist says he is in the Caribbean spending his commission. Somebody help please !!!! Superb. |
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Post by crowey on Aug 27, 2017 4:19:35 GMT
Excellent
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Post by PB1863 on Aug 27, 2017 4:27:34 GMT
Brilliant. What was the view like from the stands at St James Park Mr A?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 5:02:34 GMT
Brilliant stuff Fish ! It's a pity you don't post them on KUMB as well. Looking forward to the diary entry for the Newcastle game and the rest of the season. Keep up the good work !  |
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Post by iamcliveclarke on Aug 27, 2017 5:54:52 GMT
Dear Diary, I'm starting to worry even more our fans keep singing i'm forever blowing bubbles, which Sarah tells me was Michael Jackson's monkey. And when we went out last night we passed Fulhams stadium and there was a statue of Jackson there. Surely all my new fans weren't giving sexual favours to his monkey? We have come to a bloody strange place. Southampton away today, I have won here two seasons on the run with my cut price former team mates, so surely it will be walk in the park for my new team. I have suffered complaints from my new fans who say I didn't even try last week at Man Utd, are they crazy ?!!! I had less ball than a bloody eunuch. Not to worry I will soon have them bowing and singing my name. I spent last night watching WWE Raw on my Sky TV and see some great forearm smashes, surely this is dangerous ?? But the referee let's it pass. The manager is very positive before the game and tells my team mates to do more passing to me so I can show my class. I feel pumped up and will tear them apart today. 34th minute Oh my god I'm back in the shower already the stupid bald ref has sent me off for an innocent attempt to protect myself with my elbow and forearm. Does he not watch the bloody wrestling? I am victimised once again versus Southampton just like last season at my little old club. Surely this should not happen at a massive club like West Ham. My manager was shaking his head when I left the pitch, so I think he agrees with me. On the pitch I have one chance with my head, a bloody header I ask you, have they not spent the week watching my you tube clips?!! My team come in and nobody talks to me. I hear one say 2-1 down and only ten men thanks to that foreign dick head, so the bald ref must be American or Australian. I now have to sit on my own for the rest of the day thanks to his error. At least at Stoke I might have had some company from fat Charlie. Full time and we've lost 3-2, the players come in and moan that the referee has robbed us,so at least they realise he has cheated me now. I point out that our defence is leakier than my grandmas piss flaps back in Austria and three of them try to assault me. What did I say wrong ??? My little old club are on telly and I watch them beat Arsenal 1-0. They have replaced me with a player named Cheapo Motel or something, sounds like a bloody travel lodge. I think everyday now I make a big mistake Diary. My agent won't answer the phone and his receptionist says he is in the Caribbean spending his commission. Somebody help please !!!! Pure class, more please |
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Post by iamcliveclarke on Aug 27, 2017 5:57:57 GMT
You should put this on the West Sham message board
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Post by buddha74 on Aug 27, 2017 6:21:52 GMT
Great post, agree it should go on their forum too 👍🏻
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Post by chuffedstokie on Aug 27, 2017 6:56:04 GMT
Brilliant, more of the same.
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Post by tijuanabrass on Aug 27, 2017 7:27:19 GMT
You should put this on the West Sham message board There's a few floating Hammers on here. I'm sure it will find its way over there. Edit: And this is excellent. I too am looking forward to the St James' park episode. |
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Post by fishlovesoatcakes on Aug 27, 2017 7:29:25 GMT
Can somebody else put it on? Not sure how to do it.
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Post by bojanwonder on Aug 27, 2017 8:15:31 GMT
Please can we have Marko's diary every week from now on (once he starts playing again of course)?
Brilliant!
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Post by darksideofthemoon on Aug 27, 2017 8:44:26 GMT
Please can we have Marko's diary every week from now on (once he starts playing again of course)?
Brilliant!  |
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Post by loosestools on Aug 27, 2017 9:35:25 GMT
It really is very good. And it must go onto their forum. Can Hammered do it?
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Post by fishlovesoatcakes on Sept 13, 2017 17:46:40 GMT
Dear Diary,
Oh my god what a bad week I have had, first we play a little country called Wales in the world cup qualifiers and we must certainly make up points on them. We press for most of the match and they get desperate and bring on one of the mascots from before the match. I laugh and tell my team that this will be easy now but I don't believe it !! he goes and scores the winner ??? I ask my team mates how can they possibly let a schoolboy score against us, they say it would help if the dick head wide man would track back to cover, I throw my arms up and say surely you fools can not expect me to be everywhere. We then play Georgia at home who are rubbish and still fail to beat them. It will be very difficult to go to the world cup now and the fans will not see my incredible talents again. Sarah is at home while I'm away and I phone her at 1am to see how she is, but JT answers the phone, I ask why he is there and he says my wife's oven needs some attention but he has had the meat in for two hours now and sarah is very happy, I'm sure I hear her laugh in the background so she must be happy, what a great guy. I got home on Thursday and Mark Noble phoned me and tells me to go to The Jellied eel inn on Saturday to watch my little old club Stoke City v Man Utd in the bar, he tells me to keep my mince pies open in case there is some trouble ??
Saturday 9th Sept 17
Sarah has been up all night baking but I get some funny looks when I walk into the eel with my pies, Noble asks if it is Christmas in Austria but I say, you bloody ask for them.
I talk to some bloke in the toilets who says we stole our home ground from Leyton Orient, I ask Mark why are we playing where the local Chinese restaurant should be he just shakes his head and say 'would you Adam and Eve It' what the bloody hell have they got to do with it.
My old team should not have caused Man Utd any problems after all they have beat my better more ambitious team 4-0 already. But they play brilliant and end 2-2 and my replacement cheapo motel scores two goals ?? I can't believe my fans are not shouting for my return ??
I tell Mark that's how we should play and he says if I'm so impressed to bugger off back !!.
I get home and tell sarah about us stealing our ground from the Chinese and she is very shocked, I tell her again that I may have made big mistake but she says she is very happy here.
We play on Monday and I worry my team can not cope without me. We play Uddersfield Town, never bloody heard of them,
Surely things will change diary.
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Post by homer32 on Sept 13, 2017 18:42:53 GMT
Cheapo motel love it  Wonder if Arnie is thinking he made a mistake leaving us for Wet Sham. We certainly have more attacking options now without him, he was just too predictable. |
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Post by Claus_SCFC on Sept 14, 2017 6:14:48 GMT
Absolutely brilliant! Reminds me of the letters from Sergei Shtaniuk
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Post by crowey on Sept 14, 2017 7:29:45 GMT
😂😂😂
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Post by wrighter on Sept 14, 2017 7:44:10 GMT
Great start to my day, reading this.
very good
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Post by samba :) on Sept 14, 2017 7:46:23 GMT
I blurted out laughing at Cheapo motel
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2017 13:46:48 GMT
Incredible ! Love Cheapo Motel |
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Post by samba :) on Sept 14, 2017 14:50:11 GMT
If arn comes good at west ham we will still be the best off party out of the situation. (Obviously except for arnis brother)
Because we made 23 million quid and got a replacement who is at the minute an awesome player and freee.
Arni would of been a stoke legend had he retired here but now he's going to just be an ex proffesional footballer remembered by nobody in particular in 20 years
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Post by GoBoks on Sept 14, 2017 18:29:25 GMT
If arn comes good at west ham we will still be the best off party out of the situation. (Obviously except for arnis brother) Because we made 23 million quid and got a replacement who is at the minute an awesome player and freee. Arni would of been a stoke legend had he retired here but now he's going to just be an ex proffesional footballer remembered by nobody in particular in 20 years I don't know about that, after all I still remember Kav and it's not far off 20 years ago! I'll never forget the look on his face when the full time whistle blew. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2017 19:25:14 GMT
Top drawer 👍👍👍👍👍😀
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Post by sharonbeech21 on Sept 14, 2017 19:31:44 GMT
Abolutely brilliant First class
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Post by scfcrmagic on Sept 14, 2017 23:36:46 GMT
Absolutely brilliant .....can't wait for the next entry...😀
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Post by Northy on Sept 21, 2017 12:15:59 GMT
Next entry - My new team won in the cup, we are in the 4th round, and I gave 2 assists, my old team laid down and got whipped off a 2nd tier reserve team
too harsh and true?
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Post by benjaminbiscuit on Sept 21, 2017 13:31:06 GMT
My brother did say Mr Coates should look at the lunacy going on i his own club first , the numpties , were laughing two weeks ago but they dont seem to think it's so funny now , be very interesting to see where both teams are in the league when we go there in December .
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Post by Davef on Sept 21, 2017 13:33:58 GMT
My brother did say Mr Coates should look at the lunacy going on i his own club first , the numpties , were laughing two weeks ago but they dont seem to think it's so funny now , be very interesting to see where both teams are in the league when we go there in December . ...he says, desperately hoping we're below West Ham by then. PS: We're at home to West Ham in December by the way. |
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Post by Gods on Sept 21, 2017 13:46:44 GMT
Arnie played a blinder against Bolton in mid-week by all accounts.
I'm still gutted we lost him, WHU have a fabulous player on their hands.
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Wonder if Arnie is thinking he made a mistake leaving us for Wet Sham. We certainly have more attacking options now without him, he was just too predictable.
