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Post by bathstoke on Jul 31, 2017 13:45:15 GMT
... Does it take to change a lightbulb...
Less than you'd think!
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Post by Rednwhitenblue on Jul 31, 2017 13:53:27 GMT
Not biting
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Post by bathstoke on Jul 31, 2017 14:02:07 GMT
🎣
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Post by Mendicant on Jul 31, 2017 14:55:02 GMT
... Does it take to change a lightbulb... Less than you'd think! Phew! Er, I mean what a relief, I didn't bite. |
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Post by thevoid on Jul 31, 2017 15:25:57 GMT
😉
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Post by Billybigbollox on Jul 31, 2017 17:51:45 GMT
Cooper will be biting his fingers off trying not to respond.  |
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Post by FbrgVaStkFan on Aug 1, 2017 0:25:26 GMT
Too?
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Post by auntiegeorge on Aug 1, 2017 7:24:50 GMT
"Fewer" than you think, Mr Bath.
Use 'fewer' when you can quantify numbers or use plurals.
Use 'less' when you cannot quantify numbers or use plurals.
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Post by bathstoke on Aug 1, 2017 8:02:14 GMT
"Fewer" than you think, Mr Bath. Use 'fewer' when you can quantify numbers or use plurals. Use 'less' when you cannot quantify numbers or use plurals. ThanX 4 obliging Auntie |
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Post by rat on Aug 3, 2017 3:08:18 GMT
Key Rules
1. Use Active Voice
Every human language starts an active sentence with the subject, or the "doer." In English, the verb (what's being done) follows the subject. If there is an object (the receiver of the action), it comes after the verb. The formula looks like this:
S+V+O. This rule is the foundation of the English language.
Here are some examples:
Mary walked the dog.
The dog liked Mary.
I did not like the dog.
2. Link Ideas with a Conjunction
Sometimes you want to link two ideas with a second S+V+O combination. When you do, you need a coordinating conjunction. The new formula looks like this:
S+V+O, COORDINATING CONJUNCTION+S+V+O
Coordinating conjunctions are easy to remember with an acronymic mnemonic device:
FANBOYS
For
And
Nor
But
Or
Yet
So
3. Use a Comma to Connect Two Ideas As One
FANBOYS are used when connecting two ideas as one in a single sentence, but don't forget the comma.
For example:
I do not walk Mary's dog, nor do I wash him.
Mary fed her dog, and I drank tea.
Mary feeds and walks her dog every day, but the dog is still hyperactive.
4. Use a Serial Comma in a List
The serial, or Oxford, comma is a controversial rule of grammar. Some want to eliminate it altogether while others just don't know how to use it. The serial comma is the last comma in a list, usually appearing before "and." The serial comma comes after "dog" in this sentence:
Pets R Us has lizards, dogs, and birds.
Commas separate units in a list. In the above case, each unit only has one part, so it's easy. Where people get confused is when the units are bigger, but the rule still applies:
Pets R Us has lizards and frogs, dogs and cats, and parakeets and macaws.
Notice that the serial comma comes before "and" but not the last "and" in the sentence. The "and" that follows the comma is only there because it sounds better. Grammatically, "and" is irrelevant. Only units matter.
5. Use the Semicolon to Join Two Ideas
A list of grammar rules has to include the scariest of punctuation marks. It might look funny, but don't be afraid of the semicolon; it's the easiest thing in the world to use! Say you want to join two ideas but can't figure out or can't be bothered to use a coordinating conjunction. The two ideas can be separate sentences, but you think that they are so closely connected; they really should be one. Use a semicolon.
Mary's dog is hyperactive; it won't stop barking or sit still.
My heart is like a cup of Lapsang Souchong tea; it's bitter and smoky.
Mary has to walk her dog every day; it is the most hyperactive dog anyone has ever seen.
6. Use the Simple Present Tense for Habitual Actions
The simple present is the tense you use for any habitual action. The things you always do or do every Tuesday are described with the simple present, which just means you pick the first form of any verb.
Mary likes dogs.
I don't walk Mary's dog.
Mary and I drink tea every Tuesday together.
7. Use the Present Progressive Tense for Current Action
The present progressive tense is for anything that is happening right now. All of the progressive tenses are easy to spot because their verbs always end with "-ing" and get a helping verb. A helping verb is just so we know who and when we're talking about. In the present progressive, the helping verbs are the present tense conjugations of "to be."
I am drinking Lapsang Souchong tea.
The barking dogs outside are driving me crazy.
Mary is playing with her hyperactive dog.
8. Add "ed" to verbs for the Past Tense
When we talk about the past, we have to add an "-ed" to regular verbs to make the second form. Irregular verbs are tricky and have their own sets of rules. Drink, for example, turns to "drank." Most of the time, though, "-ed" will do.
I drank a lot of Lapsang Souchong tea yesterday, but Mary didn't.
The dogs stopped barking two seconds ago, and I am feeling better.
Mary played fetch with her hyperactive dog.
9-11. Use Perfect Tenses
Practice makes perfect with the perfect tenses. Here are three rules to finish the 11 rules of grammar. If you remember these, you'll be well on your way to perfection.
9. Use Present Perfect for the Unfinished Past
The present perfect can be confusing for some, but it is one of the most important rules of grammar. When people talk about things that have already happened but consider the time in which they occurred to be unfinished, they use the third form of the verb with a helping verb. The helping verb for the present perfect is the present tense conjugation of "to have."
I have drunk three cups of Lapsang Souchong tea today.
Mary's hyperactive cur dog has bitten me three times so far.
Mary has walked her hyperactive poodle 100 times this week.
Unfortunately, the only way to know the third forms of verbs is to remember them.
10. Use Present Perfect Progressive for Unfinished Action and Past
When the action as well as the time is considered unfinished, the verb loads up on third form helping verbs ("to be" and "to have") and changes to the progressive form.
Western countries have been waging wars in the Middle East for thousands of years.
I have been drinking tea all day.
Mary's dog has been barking like crazy since it was born.
11. Use Past Perfect for the First of Two Past Actions
When two things happen in the past, we have to mark which one happened first. The one that happened first changes to third form and gets the helping verb, "had."
By the time I drank one cup of Lapsang Souchong, Mary's dog had barked a million times.
I had not yet eaten breakfast when Mary walked her dog.
He could not pay for lunch because he had lost his wallet.
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Post by pearo on Aug 4, 2017 6:03:38 GMT
By the time that I had read the last post, my Lapsang Souchong had gone cold,so I shot Mary's dog and the barking stopped. I then put the kettle on again.
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Post by rat on Aug 4, 2017 6:05:32 GMT
By the time that I had read the last post, my Lapsang Souchong had gone cold,so I shot Mary's dog and the barking stopped. I then put the kettle on again. Who cares what you do or think? Seriously? Not even funny. |
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Post by bathstoke on Aug 4, 2017 6:48:57 GMT
Key Rules 1. Use Active Voice Every human language starts an active sentence with the subject, or the "doer." In English, the verb (what's being done) follows the subject. If there is an object (the receiver of the action), it comes after the verb. The formula looks like this: S+V+O. This rule is the foundation of the English language. Here are some examples: Mary walked the dog. The dog liked Mary. I did not like the dog. 2. Link Ideas with a Conjunction Sometimes you want to link two ideas with a second S+V+O combination. When you do, you need a coordinating conjunction. The new formula looks like this: S+V+O, COORDINATING CONJUNCTION+S+V+O Coordinating conjunctions are easy to remember with an acronymic mnemonic device: FANBOYS For And Nor But Or Yet So 3. Use a Comma to Connect Two Ideas As One FANBOYS are used when connecting two ideas as one in a single sentence, but don't forget the comma. For example: I do not walk Mary's dog, nor do I wash him. Mary fed her dog, and I drank tea. Mary feeds and walks her dog every day, but the dog is still hyperactive. 4. Use a Serial Comma in a List The serial, or Oxford, comma is a controversial rule of grammar. Some want to eliminate it altogether while others just don't know how to use it. The serial comma is the last comma in a list, usually appearing before "and." The serial comma comes after "dog" in this sentence: Pets R Us has lizards, dogs, and birds. Commas separate units in a list. In the above case, each unit only has one part, so it's easy. Where people get confused is when the units are bigger, but the rule still applies: Pets R Us has lizards and frogs, dogs and cats, and parakeets and macaws. Notice that the serial comma comes before "and" but not the last "and" in the sentence. The "and" that follows the comma is only there because it sounds better. Grammatically, "and" is irrelevant. Only units matter. 5. Use the Semicolon to Join Two Ideas A list of grammar rules has to include the scariest of punctuation marks. It might look funny, but don't be afraid of the semicolon; it's the easiest thing in the world to use! Say you want to join two ideas but can't figure out or can't be bothered to use a coordinating conjunction. The two ideas can be separate sentences, but you think that they are so closely connected; they really should be one. Use a semicolon. Mary's dog is hyperactive; it won't stop barking or sit still. My heart is like a cup of Lapsang Souchong tea; it's bitter and smoky. Mary has to walk her dog every day; it is the most hyperactive dog anyone has ever seen. 6. Use the Simple Present Tense for Habitual Actions The simple present is the tense you use for any habitual action. The things you always do or do every Tuesday are described with the simple present, which just means you pick the first form of any verb. Mary likes dogs. I don't walk Mary's dog. Mary and I drink tea every Tuesday together. 7. Use the Present Progressive Tense for Current Action The present progressive tense is for anything that is happening right now. All of the progressive tenses are easy to spot because their verbs always end with "-ing" and get a helping verb. A helping verb is just so we know who and when we're talking about. In the present progressive, the helping verbs are the present tense conjugations of "to be." I am drinking Lapsang Souchong tea. The barking dogs outside are driving me crazy. Mary is playing with her hyperactive dog. 8. Add "ed" to verbs for the Past Tense When we talk about the past, we have to add an "-ed" to regular verbs to make the second form. Irregular verbs are tricky and have their own sets of rules. Drink, for example, turns to "drank." Most of the time, though, "-ed" will do. I drank a lot of Lapsang Souchong tea yesterday, but Mary didn't. The dogs stopped barking two seconds ago, and I am feeling better. Mary played fetch with her hyperactive dog. 9-11. Use Perfect Tenses Practice makes perfect with the perfect tenses. Here are three rules to finish the 11 rules of grammar. If you remember these, you'll be well on your way to perfection. 9. Use Present Perfect for the Unfinished Past The present perfect can be confusing for some, but it is one of the most important rules of grammar. When people talk about things that have already happened but consider the time in which they occurred to be unfinished, they use the third form of the verb with a helping verb. The helping verb for the present perfect is the present tense conjugation of "to have." I have drunk three cups of Lapsang Souchong tea today. Mary's hyperactive cur dog has bitten me three times so far. Mary has walked her hyperactive poodle 100 times this week. Unfortunately, the only way to know the third forms of verbs is to remember them. 10. Use Present Perfect Progressive for Unfinished Action and Past When the action as well as the time is considered unfinished, the verb loads up on third form helping verbs ("to be" and "to have") and changes to the progressive form. Western countries have been waging wars in the Middle East for thousands of years. I have been drinking tea all day. Mary's dog has been barking like crazy since it was born. 11. Use Past Perfect for the First of Two Past Actions When two things happen in the past, we have to mark which one happened first. The one that happened first changes to third form and gets the helping verb, "had." By the time I drank one cup of Lapsang Souchong, Mary's dog had barked a million times. I had not yet eaten breakfast when Mary walked her dog. He could not pay for lunch because he had lost his wallet. That's V educational, but why did you separate mammals & birds, & lump reptiles & amphibians in together 🐍🐸 |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2017 6:57:34 GMT
Is it there lightbulb, or are they their as a favour to someone else ?
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Post by Lakeland Potter on Aug 4, 2017 7:07:28 GMT
... Does it take to change a lightbulb... Less than you'd think! You should have used fewer - as you already know. But you should also have used a lower case d in does, as you were not starting a new sentence!  |
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Post by yeokel on Aug 4, 2017 7:13:11 GMT
Is it there lightbulb, or are they their as a favour to someone else ? Their, not there and there, not their. Or did I just tumble in to the trap? |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2017 7:17:46 GMT
Is it there lightbulb, or are they their as a favour to someone else ? Their, not there and there, not their. Or did I just tumble in to the trap? The answer is in the question my friend.... |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2017 7:20:46 GMT
One I always used to like was to come up with a grammatically correct sentence that uses the same word 5 consecutive times, and not just for the sake of it, so for instance my ex wife nagging at me saying why,why,why,why,why do you never listen to me, is not acceptable.
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Post by pearo on Aug 4, 2017 9:57:34 GMT
One I always used to like was to come up with a grammatically correct sentence that uses the same word 5 consecutive times, and not just for the sake of it, so for instance my ex wife nagging at me saying why,why,why,why,why do you never listen to me, is not acceptable. Pearo while, Shangai had had "had" had had "had had", had had had made more sense in this case |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2017 10:45:27 GMT
One I always used to like was to come up with a grammatically correct sentence that uses the same word 5 consecutive times, and not just for the sake of it, so for instance my ex wife nagging at me saying why,why,why,why,why do you never listen to me, is not acceptable. Pearo while, Shangai had had "had" had had "had had", had had had made more sense in this case Seen that one, and never really got it, as you are calling the bloke Had, and using 3 meaning of the word had , as in I owned, and I took part in, and also if I. So yes, grammatically correct, but bending the rules a bit. |
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Post by 4372 on Aug 4, 2017 18:51:29 GMT
Why is there no Question Mark at the end of the sentence anyway?
Come on you Bears!
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Post by cheeesfreeex on Aug 6, 2017 2:43:40 GMT
Perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I'm losing perspective on the usefulness and appropriate use of the letter 'k'.
Is it time it was phased out?
Not sure where I am with it.
Just seems to complicate shit.
Knee, knuckle, Kneck, Knife, Knicker, nicker, knowledge, Abersoch.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Aug 6, 2017 9:10:45 GMT
Perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I'm losing perspective on the usefulness and appropriate use of the letter 'k'. Is it time it was phased out? Not sure where I am with it. Just seems to complicate shit. Knee, knuckle, Kneck, Knife, Knicker, nicker, knowledge, Abersoch. Nice little place Abersoch. My grandad had a caravan there/their.😁 |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2017 9:32:38 GMT
Their, not there and there, not their. Or did I just tumble in to the trap? The answer is in the question my friend.... Only if you add a "d". |
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Post by cheeesfreeex on Aug 7, 2017 0:31:07 GMT
Perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I'm losing perspective on the usefulness and appropriate use of the letter 'k'. Is it time it was phased out? Not sure where I am with it. Just seems to complicate shit. Knee, knuckle, Kneck, Knife, Knicker, nicker, knowledge, Abersoch. Nice little place Abersoch. My grandad had a caravan there/their.😁 Yes lovely, Black Rock sands and that. My grandparents caravan, unfortunately was in Lyneal, Shropshire Lakes/Wem/Welsh borders... in a dank conifer forest, with brackish dykes and peat. No coast or owt. Me, brothers and the earwigs made the most of it, amidst the acrid stench of the Stinkhorn fungus, Calor and Elsen toilets. Relished the sunday night return journey home fish & chip van stop off at Loggerheads. |
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Post by bathstoke on Aug 7, 2017 1:29:16 GMT
Perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I'm losing perspective on the usefulness and appropriate use of the letter 'k'. Is it time it was phased out? Not sure where I am with it. Just seems to complicate shit. Knee, knuckle, Kneck, Knife, Knicker, nicker, knowledge, Abersoch. Nee Knackie Knacky Knackoo Knacky Knay, Knackoo Knacky... |
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Post by chuffedstokie on Aug 7, 2017 1:58:12 GMT
Nice little place Abersoch. My grandad had a caravan there/their.😁 Yes lovely, Black Rock sands and that. My grandparents caravan, unfortunately was in Lyneal, Shropshire Lakes/Wem/Welsh borders... in a dank conifer forest, with brackish dykes and peat. No coast or owt. Me, brothers and the earwigs made the most of it, amidst the acrid stench of the Stinkhorn fungus, Calor and Elsen toilets. Relished the sunday night return journey home fish & chip van stop off at Loggerheads. I learned how to steer the car at Bkack rock sands. Sit on dads knee and point the thing. Must have been about 5 or 6. Great fun. As for Elsen toilets, the stuff of nightmares. |
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Post by samba :) on Aug 7, 2017 14:20:19 GMT
Key Rules 1. Use Active Voice Every human language starts an active sentence with the subject, or the "doer." In English, the verb (what's being done) follows the subject. If there is an object (the receiver of the action), it comes after the verb. The formula looks like this: S+V+O. This rule is the foundation of the English language. Here are some examples: Mary walked the dog. The dog liked Mary. I did not like the dog. 2. Link Ideas with a Conjunction Sometimes you want to link two ideas with a second S+V+O combination. When you do, you need a coordinating conjunction. The new formula looks like this: S+V+O, COORDINATING CONJUNCTION+S+V+O Coordinating conjunctions are easy to remember with an acronymic mnemonic device: FANBOYS For And Nor But Or Yet So 3. Use a Comma to Connect Two Ideas As One FANBOYS are used when connecting two ideas as one in a single sentence, but don't forget the comma. For example: I do not walk Mary's dog, nor do I wash him. Mary fed her dog, and I drank tea. Mary feeds and walks her dog every day, but the dog is still hyperactive. 4. Use a Serial Comma in a List The serial, or Oxford, comma is a controversial rule of grammar. Some want to eliminate it altogether while others just don't know how to use it. The serial comma is the last comma in a list, usually appearing before "and." The serial comma comes after "dog" in this sentence: Pets R Us has lizards, dogs, and birds. Commas separate units in a list. In the above case, each unit only has one part, so it's easy. Where people get confused is when the units are bigger, but the rule still applies: Pets R Us has lizards and frogs, dogs and cats, and parakeets and macaws. Notice that the serial comma comes before "and" but not the last "and" in the sentence. The "and" that follows the comma is only there because it sounds better. Grammatically, "and" is irrelevant. Only units matter. 5. Use the Semicolon to Join Two Ideas A list of grammar rules has to include the scariest of punctuation marks. It might look funny, but don't be afraid of the semicolon; it's the easiest thing in the world to use! Say you want to join two ideas but can't figure out or can't be bothered to use a coordinating conjunction. The two ideas can be separate sentences, but you think that they are so closely connected; they really should be one. Use a semicolon. Mary's dog is hyperactive; it won't stop barking or sit still. My heart is like a cup of Lapsang Souchong tea; it's bitter and smoky. Mary has to walk her dog every day; it is the most hyperactive dog anyone has ever seen. 6. Use the Simple Present Tense for Habitual Actions The simple present is the tense you use for any habitual action. The things you always do or do every Tuesday are described with the simple present, which just means you pick the first form of any verb. Mary likes dogs. I don't walk Mary's dog. Mary and I drink tea every Tuesday together. 7. Use the Present Progressive Tense for Current Action The present progressive tense is for anything that is happening right now. All of the progressive tenses are easy to spot because their verbs always end with "-ing" and get a helping verb. A helping verb is just so we know who and when we're talking about. In the present progressive, the helping verbs are the present tense conjugations of "to be." I am drinking Lapsang Souchong tea. The barking dogs outside are driving me crazy. Mary is playing with her hyperactive dog. 8. Add "ed" to verbs for the Past Tense When we talk about the past, we have to add an "-ed" to regular verbs to make the second form. Irregular verbs are tricky and have their own sets of rules. Drink, for example, turns to "drank." Most of the time, though, "-ed" will do. I drank a lot of Lapsang Souchong tea yesterday, but Mary didn't. The dogs stopped barking two seconds ago, and I am feeling better. Mary played fetch with her hyperactive dog. 9-11. Use Perfect Tenses Practice makes perfect with the perfect tenses. Here are three rules to finish the 11 rules of grammar. If you remember these, you'll be well on your way to perfection. 9. Use Present Perfect for the Unfinished Past The present perfect can be confusing for some, but it is one of the most important rules of grammar. When people talk about things that have already happened but consider the time in which they occurred to be unfinished, they use the third form of the verb with a helping verb. The helping verb for the present perfect is the present tense conjugation of "to have." I have drunk three cups of Lapsang Souchong tea today. Mary's hyperactive cur dog has bitten me three times so far. Mary has walked her hyperactive poodle 100 times this week. Unfortunately, the only way to know the third forms of verbs is to remember them. 10. Use Present Perfect Progressive for Unfinished Action and Past When the action as well as the time is considered unfinished, the verb loads up on third form helping verbs ("to be" and "to have") and changes to the progressive form. Western countries have been waging wars in the Middle East for thousands of years. I have been drinking tea all day. Mary's dog has been barking like crazy since it was born. 11. Use Past Perfect for the First of Two Past Actions When two things happen in the past, we have to mark which one happened first. The one that happened first changes to third form and gets the helping verb, "had." By the time I drank one cup of Lapsang Souchong, Mary's dog had barked a million times. I had not yet eaten breakfast when Mary walked her dog. He could not pay for lunch because he had lost his wallet. no mate he just missed a question mark |
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Post by cheeesfreeex on Aug 7, 2017 16:11:53 GMT
Perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I'm losing perspective on the usefulness and appropriate use of the letter 'k'. Is it time it was phased out? Not sure where I am with it. Just seems to complicate shit. Knee, knuckle, Kneck, Knife, Knicker, nicker, knowledge, Abersoch. Nee Knackie Knacky Knackoo Knacky Knay, Knackoo Knacky... Exactly. It's only the word 'kill' where it's of much use. Otherwise the letter 'k' is the weakest in the alphabet imo. Just skulks around 'n' an 'c' and doesn't add a great deal. Maybe kazoo too? |
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