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Post by knowingeye on May 14, 2008 10:20:40 GMT
The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese"
obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.
John Sampson, Southampton.
If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable
Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?
P. Sullivan, Birkenhead .
They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I
regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.
D Evans, London .
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon?
Stalker, Bournemouth .
Why does Frank Bruno get a gong just because he's good at hitting
people? I'm brilliant at it but the most I've ever got is 200 hours
community service.
A Woodward, Sheffield .
They say good manners cost you nothing. B*llocks. I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty bloody grand.
J Morgan, Wigan .
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking
world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Derby received
some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
Neil Sedgwick, Nottingham .
In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose
capital cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina (Buenos Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia (Belgrade). China changed the name of Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will show a little more imagination in this century.
Martin Harwood, Bradford.
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you
down.
Tim Wakefield, Surrey .
Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women.
Chris Mapply, Carshalton.
We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany.
The shame will always be with us.
George Nisbet.
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.
Werner Hoffman, Munich .
I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young
people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.
B Bollockbrain, Braintree .
Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand
Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.
M Duckworth, Poole .
So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I
know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.
J Leonard, Hull .
To call Dr Harold Shipman 'Britain's worst serial killer' is utter
nonsense. With more confirmed kills to his name than any other UK-
based murderer, surely Dr. Shipman is 'Britain's best serial killer'. Colin Stagg, who was arrested in connection with one killing and turned out not to have done it in the first place, would qualify as the country's 'Worst Mass Murderer'.
Danny King, Balham
I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?
K Libretto, Welling
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Post by mumf14 on May 14, 2008 10:25:10 GMT
It reminds me of that brilliant post you unearthed some weeks ago about an appeal to St Peter from 2 years ago in relation to his personal wealth and how many tins of spam one could buy with £125 million quid.
I'd love to meet the guy......
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Post by OldStokie on May 14, 2008 10:27:17 GMT
Very good, ke. Some of those had me tittering big style. I liked this one best......
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.
Werner Hoffman, Munich .
Heh heh.
OS.
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Post by broadwayroundabout on May 14, 2008 10:28:56 GMT
great post :-) :-)
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Post by KevinWhimper on May 14, 2008 10:46:55 GMT
If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable
Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?
my personal favourite ;D
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Post by wardrobe monster on May 14, 2008 11:30:41 GMT
I thought of writing one in about global warming.
"Dear Sirs,
After a saw a documentary about dancing penguins in Antartica, I realised the boffins had obviously missed the real reason behind melting ice caps. Surely all that tap dancing, whilst very cute to watch must warm up the ice and cause instability, thus causing large sections of the ice cap to break off into the sea causing misery for people all over the world. So, to prevent a future disaster of unrecognisable proportions simply kill all those penguins and problem solved.
My considerable thanks go to Disney/Pixel who made this most informative documentary.
Global warming my arse."
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