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Post by manmarking on Aug 18, 2016 21:33:20 GMT
It's the ultimate lads' indulgence - farting  But how many of us have ever (OK, would admit to having ever) taken it one step too far? Yes, that's right, the classic follow-through
You go to squeeze out what you think is a "banker" fart and "OH SHIT!" - literally - you've got a whole lot more going on than you bargained for. I came out of a train station the other day and thought to myself "There are people around. No one will know it's me. I'm safe." What I didn't bargain on was the previous night's lamb vindaloo coming back for vengeance. And boy, was it vengeful Cut a long story short, I had to stagger to Wetherspoons, offload my boxers behind the U-bend, flush my arsecheeks in the bowl as a makeshift bidet and spend the rest of the afternoon commando. The barman insisted I bought a drink on my way back through - a small price to pay under the circumstances Mate of mine shat himself just before a job interview but that's another story and he wouldn't thank me for telling it here  So come on Cakers, let's have em - your best follow through stories  |
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Post by 3putts on Aug 19, 2016 9:39:19 GMT
dirty bastard
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Post by Linx on Aug 19, 2016 10:36:13 GMT
Lucky somebody didn't come into the bogs while you were rinsing your arse in the sink!
After a good bottom burp, I've had a turtle head now and again but, thankfully, have always been at home so I could 'attend to myself'. Over the years, I have managed to distinguish between a dry fart and a wet fart before it actually happens. If it's a wet fart, I can usually restrict it to avoid the dreaded follow through.
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Post by bathstoke on Aug 19, 2016 10:56:37 GMT
Lucky somebody didn't come into the bogs while you were rinsing your arse in the sink! After a good bottom burp, I've had a turtle head now and again but, thankfully, have always been at home so I could 'attend to myself'. Over the years, I have managed to distinguish between a dry fart and a wet fart before it actually happens. If it's a wet fart, I can usually restrict it to avoid the dreaded follow through. Expert advice |
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Post by manmarking on Aug 19, 2016 11:37:47 GMT
Lucky somebody didn't come into the bogs while you were rinsing your arse in the sink! After a good bottom burp, I've had a turtle head now and again but, thankfully, have always been at home so I could 'attend to myself'. Over the years, I have managed to distinguish between a dry fart and a wet fart before it actually happens. If it's a wet fart, I can usually restrict it to avoid the dreaded follow through. God almighty mate, I wasn't rinsing my arse in the sink I stuck it in the bowl and flushed - much more civilised |
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Post by Linx on Aug 19, 2016 12:32:13 GMT
Lucky somebody didn't come into the bogs while you were rinsing your arse in the sink! After a good bottom burp, I've had a turtle head now and again but, thankfully, have always been at home so I could 'attend to myself'. Over the years, I have managed to distinguish between a dry fart and a wet fart before it actually happens. If it's a wet fart, I can usually restrict it to avoid the dreaded follow through. God almighty mate, I wasn't rinsing my arse in the sink I stuck it in the bowl and flushed - much more civilised Sorry, mate, must have misread it. But it is a very amusing image, even if it is a misinterpretation. |
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Post by desman2 on Aug 19, 2016 15:01:02 GMT
A Successful NON Follow through
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Post by Mendicant on Aug 20, 2016 0:05:12 GMT
Frank Hovis showing how it should be done
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 7:51:22 GMT
How long do you give it though after a good bout of the shits before you can be sure it's a fart and not another explosion. Don't think you're sure until you have had a good few farts first.
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Post by Waggy on Aug 20, 2016 18:39:28 GMT
I had severe diarrhoea once and made it to the bathroom but couldnt get my trousers down quick enough and deposited all in my trousers. I had to throw my trousers and pants out of the window clean myself up , put a new pair of pants and slacks on then retrieve soiled items and put them in the wheelie bin underneath all the rubbish
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Post by manmarking on Aug 20, 2016 18:58:40 GMT
I had severe diarrhoea once and made it to the bathroom but couldnt get my trousers down quick enough and deposited all in my trousers. I had to throw my trousers and pants out of the window clean myself up , put a new pair of pants and slacks on then retrieve soiled items and put them in the wheelie bin underneath all the rubbish Did you make it to your bathroom mate or were they someone else's trousers and pants?  |
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Post by manmarking on Aug 20, 2016 19:01:22 GMT
How long do you give it though after a good bout of the shits before you can be sure it's a fart and not another explosion. Don't think you're sure until you have had a good few farts first. You get more accurate gut instincts - so to speak - with age I find. But there's always room for error. As I found recently Perhaps there's another point further into old age, whereby you get too senile to judge properly and regress to toddlerhood again |
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Post by Clem Fandango on Aug 20, 2016 19:06:45 GMT
My mate shit himself on the Stockholm metro in peak rush hour last May. He made a hurried exit at one station and left behind the worse thing I have ever smelt. I doubt he will ever live it down.
I've had a couple of near misses including just about making it to a bush on a central reservation on a south Texas highway.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 19:58:51 GMT
I shit myself whilst playing Sunday football.
I shit myself in a hotel lobby in Magaluf.
I half shit myself down Stoke Uni whilst playing 5 a side football,the rest got deposited in a wall mounted bin just outside the entrance to the main block.
I farted and shit myself whilst having a fag by the patio doors of my old house.
I farted and followed through at a wedding reception,luckily it was really watery and didn't smell too bad.
It's fair too say I've got a bit of a history when it comes to shitting my pants.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 20:04:55 GMT
My favourite house joggers bit the dust last year. Only it wasn't dust, it was arse slurry.
Gave them a couple of washes, and I was happy, but the wife wasn't. Into the bin they went. Fucking cow.
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Post by manmarking on Aug 20, 2016 20:12:13 GMT
My favourite house joggers bit the dust last year. Only it wasn't dust, it was arse slurry. Gave them a couple of washes, and I was happy, but the wife wasn't. Into the bin they went. Fucking cow. End of the day, if you stick faece into some joggers they're never the same again mate. Were you not even wearing pants? |
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Post by manmarking on Aug 20, 2016 20:13:23 GMT
I shit myself whilst playing Sunday football. I shit myself in a hotel lobby in Magaluf. I half shit myself down Stoke Uni whilst playing 5 a side football,the rest got deposited in a wall mounted bin just outside the entrance to the main block. I farted and shit myself whilst having a fag by the patio doors of my old house. I farted and followed through at a wedding reception,luckily it was really watery and didn't smell too bad. It's fair too say I've got a bit of a history when it comes to shitting my pants. Good record mate, really prolific |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 20:20:02 GMT
My favourite house joggers bit the dust last year. Only it wasn't dust, it was arse slurry. Gave them a couple of washes, and I was happy, but the wife wasn't. Into the bin they went. Fucking cow. End of the day, if you stick faece into some joggers they're never the same again mate. Were you not even wearing pants? House joggers mate. House joggers. I don't chuck her fucking bloody kecks away with whatever comes out of her fucking front bum |
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Post by manmarking on Aug 20, 2016 20:23:58 GMT
End of the day, if you stick faece into some joggers they're never the same again mate. Were you not even wearing pants? House joggers mate. House joggers. I don't chuck her fucking bloody kecks away with whatever comes out of her fucking front bum The kind that sag at the arsehole? Know em well mate. Never give a woman control over that type of merchandise |
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Post by Mendicant on Aug 20, 2016 20:43:22 GMT
I shit myself whilst playing Sunday football. I shit myself in a hotel lobby in Magaluf. I half shit myself down Stoke Uni whilst playing 5 a side football,the rest got deposited in a wall mounted bin just outside the entrance to the main block. I farted and shit myself whilst having a fag by the patio doors of my old house. I farted and followed through at a wedding reception,luckily it was really watery and didn't smell too bad. It's fair too say I've got a bit of a history when it comes to shitting my pants. I love The Oatcake because of posts like this. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 20:44:22 GMT
I shit myself whilst playing Sunday football. I shit myself in a hotel lobby in Magaluf. I half shit myself down Stoke Uni whilst playing 5 a side football,the rest got deposited in a wall mounted bin just outside the entrance to the main block. I farted and shit myself whilst having a fag by the patio doors of my old house. I farted and followed through at a wedding reception,luckily it was really watery and didn't smell too bad. It's fair too say I've got a bit of a history when it comes to shitting my pants. Good record mate, really prolific Thanks mate,it's a record that I wouldn't say I'm proud of and when I look back at a few of those instances,they were stupidly embarrassing but they have provided some great stories to tell |
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