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Post by Stoke711 on Mar 12, 2016 13:32:38 GMT
Absolutely brilliant. Quality post
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Post by greystokie on Mar 12, 2016 13:36:53 GMT
Oh, well done sir. I just pissed myself as I scrolled down and saw that first pic. Quality at its highest.
P.s. Are you on medication? ;-)
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Post by stantheman on Mar 12, 2016 14:24:41 GMT
Someone has to find a picture of a 'Whelan's Cobblers' somewhere!
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Post by RichJonesy on Jul 26, 2016 23:07:57 GMT
This NEEDS bumping
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Post by walrus on Jul 26, 2016 23:47:09 GMT
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Post by stantheman on Jul 26, 2016 23:49:52 GMT
This guy should have a page in each edition of the printed version of the Oatcake.
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Post by foster on Jul 27, 2016 0:02:05 GMT
Can't believe I didn't see that tune coming.
Great post as usual. The attention to detail is brilliant.
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Post by pottermissy on Jul 27, 2016 3:23:21 GMT
Absolute quality! Had me in stitches.
Please tell me there will be another instalment, to be continued 😄
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Post by NassauDave on Dec 20, 2016 11:44:40 GMT
Brilliantly written!
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Post by meirparkpotter on Dec 21, 2016 7:05:37 GMT
...I would like to tell you all the tale of club legend, family hero, and sumptuous sex symbol, Glenn David Whelan. Christened “Whee Whillie Whelan”, the man known now as Glenn Whelan was born into a Clondalkin family of cobblers on the 13th January, 1984. Expected by all those around him to continue the family tradition, much excitement arose in the Whelan household when he tied his shoe at only two weeks of age. “This boy is special”, proclaimed his father. He was correct, but not in the way that he predicted. The mundanity of shoe-repair was not what Whelan was ultimately destined for, but the journey ahead was not a simple one. After breaking the world record for most shoes cobbled in an hour, a single tear sank. As he gazed at himself in the mirror, it was the combination of transparent vacancy yet powerful raw emotion in his tear that made Whelan realise what he truly desired in life. Sexy passes. Stimulating long balls. Brutishly erotic tackles. Seductive Clearances. “When I… When I… When” stuttered Whelan in a somewhat panicked state before his dad remorselessly bellowed “shut your face you freak, what are you doing? Get back to cobbling”. Random abrupt outbreaks of “when I” continued for seemingly no reason at all and it was not long before Whelan was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. Whelan became labelled a family embarrassment. It was torturous for him at the time, but two years of being locked in the attic forcedly cobbling, whilst fed nothing but polenta and dry Weetabix, forced Whelan into realizing his full potential. Epiphany struck, and he sexually thrusted his way out of the thatched roof of his family home before sprinting away to the unknown realms of his future. Broken free from the limited ambitions and restricted parameters of his family, Whee Whillie Whelan purged almost all existing links of his cobbling background by changing his forename. A long admirer of astronaut John Glenn, Whelan adopted this as the forename that the whole world would one day know him for. At the age of 16, the now named Glenn Whelan encountered football for the first time as he strutted alluringly past Elmdale Crescent, the home of Cherry Orchard FC. Time seemed to stop as an abrupt gasp emanated from the whole Cherry Orchard squad, induced purely by the sight of Glenn Whelan. A member of the squad timidly handed Whelan the football they were training with… “When I…, “When I…”, stuttered Whelan. The Cherry Orchard squad started to look around quizzically at one another. The stuttering continued from Whelan, “When I… When I”, before the pivotal moment of truth and realization hit the world all at once… “WHEN I GET THAT FEELING!!!!” screamed Glenn Whelan at the top of his voice. Without even knowing his name, the Cherry Orchard squad, as well as a few passers-by, at once collectively exclaimed in response, “I WANT, SEXUAL WHELAN!!!”. Sexual Whelan had arrived. I was one of those passers-by. Wow, I've only just seen this post but holy shit... I laughed uncontrollably. A proper belly laugh, which I haven't had a in a while. Thank you Sir
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Post by thanksjon on Dec 22, 2016 14:09:01 GMT
Didn't see this before,I know his family and I will show this to them,if Glenn hasn't already.
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Post by stantheman on Dec 22, 2016 17:25:23 GMT
Didn't see this before,I know his family and I will show this to them,if Glenn hasn't already. Please could you arrange for the real Glen Whelan to meet iloveglenwhelan? It may have to be via a restraining order, but please make this happen
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Dec 22, 2016 18:05:36 GMT
Gerald Whelan's first shop in 1939
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Post by CBUFAWKIPWH on Dec 23, 2016 14:24:32 GMT
It's the love that dared to speak its name but probably shouldn't. Glad it did though.
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Post by scfcrmagic on Dec 24, 2016 0:27:12 GMT
Totally brilliant ....!!!
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Post by plattamusii on Jul 19, 2017 20:10:59 GMT
One of the All-Time great posts
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Post by unknown182 on Jul 19, 2017 20:14:00 GMT
I think iloveglennwhelan needs to go and post this on the Villa board
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Jul 19, 2017 21:19:19 GMT
I think iloveglennwhelan needs to go and post this on the Villa board staffsvilla
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Post by bertiestan on Jul 19, 2017 22:06:27 GMT
...I would like to tell you all the tale of club legend, family hero, and sumptuous sex symbol, Glenn David Whelan. Christened “Whee Whillie Whelan”, the man known now as Glenn Whelan was born into a Clondalkin family of cobblers on the 13th January, 1984. Expected by all those around him to continue the family tradition, much excitement arose in the Whelan household when he tied his shoe at only two weeks of age. “This boy is special”, proclaimed his father. He was correct, but not in the way that he predicted. The mundanity of shoe-repair was not what Whelan was ultimately destined for, but the journey ahead was not a simple one. After breaking the world record for most shoes cobbled in an hour, a single tear sank. As he gazed at himself in the mirror, it was the combination of transparent vacancy yet powerful raw emotion in his tear that made Whelan realise what he truly desired in life. Sexy passes. Stimulating long balls. Brutishly erotic tackles. Seductive Clearances. “When I… When I… When” stuttered Whelan in a somewhat panicked state before his dad remorselessly bellowed “shut your face you freak, what are you doing? Get back to cobbling”. Random abrupt outbreaks of “when I” continued for seemingly no reason at all and it was not long before Whelan was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. Whelan became labelled a family embarrassment. It was torturous for him at the time, but two years of being locked in the attic forcedly cobbling, whilst fed nothing but polenta and dry Weetabix, forced Whelan into realizing his full potential. Epiphany struck, and he sexually thrusted his way out of the thatched roof of his family home before sprinting away to the unknown realms of his future. Broken free from the limited ambitions and restricted parameters of his family, Whee Whillie Whelan purged almost all existing links of his cobbling background by changing his forename. A long admirer of astronaut John Glenn, Whelan adopted this as the forename that the whole world would one day know him for. At the age of 16, the now named Glenn Whelan encountered football for the first time as he strutted alluringly past Elmdale Crescent, the home of Cherry Orchard FC. Time seemed to stop as an abrupt gasp emanated from the whole Cherry Orchard squad, induced purely by the sight of Glenn Whelan. A member of the squad timidly handed Whelan the football they were training with… “When I…, “When I…”, stuttered Whelan. The Cherry Orchard squad started to look around quizzically at one another. The stuttering continued from Whelan, “When I… When I”, before the pivotal moment of truth and realization hit the world all at once… “WHEN I GET THAT FEELING!!!!” screamed Glenn Whelan at the top of his voice. Without even knowing his name, the Cherry Orchard squad, as well as a few passers-by, at once collectively exclaimed in response, “I WANT, SEXUAL WHELAN!!!”. Sexual Whelan had arrived. I was one of those passers-by. That my friend is the best post ever hahahahaha
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Post by 3putts on Jul 20, 2017 12:12:55 GMT
quality
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Post by trincostokie on Jul 20, 2017 14:17:45 GMT
Such stylishly crafted sexual fantasy ILGW, compared to the gutter filth churned out by our other resident nutter, Bojan Mackey Worth logging on for just to doff my cap to you sir...your "Sexual Whelan next door" pic being my personal highlight
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Post by rondogmcmuffin on Jul 20, 2017 20:20:49 GMT
I hope we resign him for 20 million plus 4 million in add ons and give Arnie to Villa after reading this again
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