|
|
Post by owdestokie on Mar 20, 2014 16:58:27 GMT
Arrived at airport and got the address of hotel off my IPad for the Taxi driver who sees my SCFC screen saver and immediately asks about Crouchie and Adam Jaya pub next night and a guy at the bar sees same screensaver on my phone and starts conversation about SCFC We are known outside the six towns then  |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 17:00:39 GMT
It's all down to Michael Owen. Before we signed him atlases just showed a question mark between Manchester and Birmingham.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 17:02:09 GMT
‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’
‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’
‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’
‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’
‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’
‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’
‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’
‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’
‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’
‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’
‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’
‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’
‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’
‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’
‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’
‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’
‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’
‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’
‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’
‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’
‘My wife’s booked a luxury holiday in India’ ~ ‘Mumbai?’ ~ ‘No, her Dad paid for it’
‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’
‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’
‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’
‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’
‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’
‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’
|
|
|
|
Post by mattface on Mar 20, 2014 17:08:16 GMT
Was out there for the semi final against Bolton and did make quite a racket ????
|
|
|
|
Post by mattface on Mar 20, 2014 17:08:39 GMT
Was out there for the semi final against Bolton and did make quite a racket ????
|
|
|
|
Post by grimlord1 on Mar 20, 2014 17:17:50 GMT
nice one hancock  |
|
|
|
Post by boskampsflaps on Mar 20, 2014 17:36:49 GMT
Cool story bro.
|
|
|
|
Post by Laughing Gravy on Mar 20, 2014 17:47:10 GMT
Hancock that is bloody awful |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 17:54:18 GMT
Hancock that is bloody awful Oh come off it, ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ - That's borderline genius! |
|
|
|
Post by cheekymatt71 on Mar 20, 2014 17:55:02 GMT
brilliant Hancock im gonna borrow some of those!
|
|
|
|
Post by Laughing Gravy on Mar 20, 2014 18:00:45 GMT
Hancock that is bloody awful Oh come off it, ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ - That's borderline genius! They made me titter anyway. |
|
|
|
Post by harryburrows on Mar 20, 2014 18:20:29 GMT
Arrived at airport and got the address of hotel off my IPad for the Taxi driver who sees my SCFC screen saver and immediately asks about Crouchie and Adam Jaya pub next night and a guy at the bar sees same screensaver on my phone and starts conversation about SCFC We are known outside the six towns then Had my arse and three piece squeezed going into the jaya pub jackarta , by all the girls lining the entrance . It's an old church if I remember . |
|
|
|
Post by owdestokie on Mar 20, 2014 18:41:53 GMT
Arrived at airport and got the address of hotel off my IPad for the Taxi driver who sees my SCFC screen saver and immediately asks about Crouchie and Adam Jaya pub next night and a guy at the bar sees same screensaver on my phone and starts conversation about SCFC We are known outside the six towns then Had my arse and three piece squeezed going into the jaya pub jackarta , by all the girls lining the entrance . It's an old church if I remember . A few sinners in tonight |
|
|
|
Post by harryburrows on Mar 20, 2014 19:15:44 GMT
Had my arse and three piece squeezed going into the jaya pub jackarta , by all the girls lining the entrance . It's an old church if I remember . A few sinners in tonight Had some good times in that den of iniquity  |
|
|
|
Post by Laughing Gravy on Mar 20, 2014 19:19:52 GMT
Arrived at airport and got the address of hotel off my IPad for the Taxi driver who sees my SCFC screen saver and immediately asks about Crouchie and Adam Jaya pub next night and a guy at the bar sees same screensaver on my phone and starts conversation about SCFC We are known outside the six towns then Had my arse and three piece squeezed going into the jaya pub jackarta , by all the girls lining the entrance . It's an old church if I remember . It's an old trick. Be after your wallet. |
|
|
|
Post by harryburrows on Mar 20, 2014 19:52:58 GMT
Had my arse and three piece squeezed going into the jaya pub jackarta , by all the girls lining the entrance . It's an old church if I remember . It's an old trick. Be after your wallet. It happened at the Adulte in burslem too Thursday was grab a granny night |
|
|
|
Post by partickpotter on Mar 20, 2014 19:57:52 GMT
‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’ ‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’ ‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’ ‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’ ‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’ ‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’ ‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’ ‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’ ‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’ ‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’ ‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’ ‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’ ‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’ ‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’ ‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’ ‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’ ‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’ ‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’ ‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’ ‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’ ‘My wife’s booked a luxury holiday in India’ ~ ‘Mumbai?’ ~ ‘No, her Dad paid for it’ ‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’ ‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’ ‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’ ‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’ ‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’ ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ Blimey - your wife's been around hasn't she! |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2014 20:03:08 GMT
‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’ ‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’ ‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’ ‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’ ‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’ ‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’ ‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’ ‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’ ‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’ ‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’ ‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’ ‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’ ‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’ ‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’ ‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’ ‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’ ‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’ ‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’ ‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’ ‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’ ‘My wife’s booked a luxury holiday in India’ ~ ‘Mumbai?’ ~ ‘No, her Dad paid for it’ ‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’ ‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’ ‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’ ‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’ ‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’ ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ Blimey - your wife's been around hasn't she! Nah, she's never been there.  |
|
|
|
Post by jeycov on Mar 20, 2014 20:29:29 GMT
Blimey - your wife's been around hasn't she! Nah, she's never been there. Briliant |
|
|
|
Post by foxysgloves on Mar 20, 2014 20:49:10 GMT
Hancock that is bloody awful Oh come off it, ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ - That's borderline genius! That was definitely my fave!!! |
|
|
|
Post by maybanker on Mar 20, 2014 21:36:46 GMT
Kuala lumpa is the stand out, surely!?
|
|
|
|
Post by StoKeith on Mar 21, 2014 2:16:59 GMT
After reading hancock's fine efforts, I invented a few of my own:
'Where does your wife want to go on holiday?' ~ 'Alaska' ~ 'OK, I can wait.'
'I saw a streaker when I was in Africa!' ~ 'Uganda?' ~ 'No, I looked the other way.'
'So I heard you won a carpentry competition somewhere in America?' ~ 'Arkansas' ~ 'Well of course, I doubt you'd have won otherwise!'
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2014 7:45:19 GMT
... 'So I heard you won a carpentry competition somewhere in America?' ~ 'Arkansas' ~ 'Well of course, I doubt you'd have won otherwise!' And if you also spent 10 minutes on that one ... Let it be a lesson that Americans can't spell. |
|
|
|
Post by MuddyWoody on Mar 21, 2014 7:54:38 GMT
... 'So I heard you won a carpentry competition somewhere in America?' ~ 'Arkansas' ~ 'Well of course, I doubt you'd have won otherwise!' And if you also spent 10 minutes on that one ... Let it be a lesson that Americans can't spell. Stupid me..... reading the ACTUAL words  |
|
|
|
Post by stokecitytalke on Mar 21, 2014 11:51:01 GMT
Oh come off it, ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ - That's borderline genius! That was definitely my fave!!! Me too, I'm in tears here.   |
|
|
|
Post by faceplanty on Mar 21, 2014 12:29:20 GMT
‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ Iam from perth and that's just priceless .  |
|
|
|
Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Mar 21, 2014 12:39:58 GMT
‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’ Iam from perth and that's just priceless . pwiceleth? |
|
|
|
Post by nott1 on Mar 21, 2014 12:47:56 GMT
Iam from perth and that's just priceless . pwiceleth? Are you Woy Hodgson in dithguithe? |
|
|
|
Post by thestatusquo on Mar 21, 2014 13:59:38 GMT
‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’ ‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’ ‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’ ‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’ ‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’ ‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’ ‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’ ‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’ ‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’ ‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’ ‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’ ‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’ ‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’ ‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’ ‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’ ‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’ ‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’ ‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’ ‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’ ‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’ ‘My wife’s booked a luxury holiday in India’ ~ ‘Mumbai?’ ~ ‘No, her Dad paid for it’ ‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’ ‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’ ‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’ ‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’ ‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’ ‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’  He's here all week |
|
|
|
Post by captainmainwaring on Mar 21, 2014 14:56:08 GMT
Owdestokie, can you get me a wristwatch whilst you're there?  |
|
