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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2013 1:56:58 GMT
On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing she could make a worthy contribution to the programme if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually 'Fact Hunt'! People should lay off Lance Armstrong I think what he achieved was amazing... When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike! After seeing the Swansea ball boy keep possession of the ball for more than 10 seconds Aston Villa have made a bid of £20 million for him.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2013 1:57:35 GMT
The Government has passed a new bill in parliament. Now gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money. Its called the 'Knobseekers allowance'!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2013 2:08:35 GMT
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
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Post by 828492 on Mar 16, 2013 7:52:06 GMT
Please remember Red Nose Day. Just £5 can help a disabled African learn the difference between his girlfriend and an intruder.
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Post by harrysburrow on Mar 16, 2013 20:10:45 GMT
The Government has passed a new bill in parliament. Now gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money. Its called the 'Knobseekers allowance'! ;D
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Post by casper113 on Mar 19, 2013 10:03:43 GMT
a friend asked me why i was looking so happy, i replied 'the wife was in hospital for a procedure that every man dreams about'. 'a boob job ' the freind replied, 'no' i said, 'a post-mortum'
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Post by Panda on Mar 19, 2013 10:11:22 GMT
a friend asked me why i was looking so happy, i replied 'the wife was in hospital for a procedure that every man dreams about'. 'a boob job ' the freind replied, 'no' i said, 'a post-mortum' ;D
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2013 10:53:39 GMT
Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus. Duly stolen!!
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Post by kidgrovestokie on Mar 19, 2013 12:49:27 GMT
I'm not saying I need a pube trimmer, but when I get a hard on it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban
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Post by kidgrovestokie on Mar 19, 2013 12:49:45 GMT
Quentin Tarantinos next big movie is based upon a 70's sitcom featuring Samuel L Jackson as the hapless accident suffering Frank Spencer.
"Some Mother fkers Do Ave 'Em"
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Post by kidgrovestokie on Mar 19, 2013 12:50:18 GMT
The South African police have said that Oscar Pistorius may get the electric chair.
If you ask me he was dangerous enough on a pair of stilts, never mind giving the coont a mobility scooter.
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Mar 19, 2013 15:52:56 GMT
Whats red on the outside,full of shit and screams?
A bus load of Manur fans going over a cliff.
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Mar 19, 2013 15:59:35 GMT
The 7 Dwarfs go missing after a mine explosion.after 3 days of searching,a voice can be heard saying" Pulis is the greatest manager who ever lived!. A rescuer turns to his mates and says!I think we have found dopey!
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Post by foster on Mar 19, 2013 16:08:33 GMT
What's red with 7 little dents in it?
Snow whites cherry.
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Post by foster on Mar 19, 2013 16:09:13 GMT
Bill and Ben are in the bath.
Bill goes 'ibble obble obb'
Ben goes 'Fart again and I'll twat yer!'.
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Post by foster on Mar 19, 2013 16:10:23 GMT
3 gays sitting in the bath when a condom floats to the top of the water...
One looks up and says 'Own up, who's farted!'.
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Post by paulinespens on Mar 19, 2013 23:35:21 GMT
I bought a pet beaver yesterday,
I only went to answer the front door and now my shed's in the bath.
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Post by paulinespens on Mar 19, 2013 23:42:54 GMT
Teacher: Now then class, let's do some simple sums. I give you £10 and you take a £1. What do I have? Little Johnny: A bank account in Cyprus, Miss.
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benno
Lads'n'Dads
Posts: 72
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Post by benno on Mar 20, 2013 17:15:17 GMT
why did the girl fall off the swing?
she had no arms
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Mar 20, 2013 18:24:25 GMT
Mary had a little Lamb, It's Fleece was white has snow, Everywhere that Mary went, The Lamb was sure to go, So she shot it.
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Post by Tosh on Mar 20, 2013 19:02:01 GMT
pulled a gypsy bird last night, she asked me if i would like to go back to hers for a good time. she wasnt fucking kidding either! i went on the dodgems, waltzers, ghost train and came home with a fucking goldfish
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2013 22:59:44 GMT
Bloke goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, doctor. I fell down the stairs this morning and hurt my shoulder, I think it might be dislocated'.
Doctor says: 'How the fuck am I supposed to make a joke out of that?'
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2013 23:03:06 GMT
Mario Balotelli went to the doctor and said: 'Doctor, doctor. I keep dreaming that I'm the 20th division of Italian Football' Doctor says: 'are you serious?' Balotelli says: 'No, Serie T'
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Post by pretzel on Mar 20, 2013 23:44:04 GMT
I had to sack my east European cleaner today. It took her four hours just to hoover the lounge. Turns out she's a Slovak
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Post by foster on Mar 21, 2013 8:00:17 GMT
What do call a guy with no lower limbs?
Neil.
What do you call a girl with one leg?
Eileen.
What does an elephant use as a tampon?
A sheep!
What does an elephant use as a vibrator?
An epileptic.
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Post by BigKahunaBurger on Mar 21, 2013 8:12:56 GMT
I wish everyone would lay off Jimmy Savile, he's actually a pretty nice guy. One time he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded
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Post by foster on Mar 21, 2013 8:24:18 GMT
I wish everyone would lay off Jimmy Savile, he's actually a pretty nice guy. One time he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded don't forget the free glass of milk either.
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