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Post by Yorkshirepotter on Sept 24, 2011 6:39:21 GMT
As an Stoke fan I was asked what my ideal outcome would be in the Man united - Arsenal game.
Apparently a terrorist attack is not a valid response........
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One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn. The Hindu and the United fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the
door. It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."
"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the United fan and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because
I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."
The United fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig.
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I reckon Grannies give the best blowjobs.
All that experience AND they can take their teeth out.
My wife hates me mentioning it though, she thinks I'm disgusting and should concentrate on scoring goals for Man United.
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Reports have emerged that Barcelona fans sneaked into Old Trafford last night.
They unfurled a '19 times' banner in reference to the amount of times Man United touched the ball in the champions league final.
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A man walks into a brothel in Rome and asks, "What can I get for £32.50?"
The Madam says, "Humiliation."
The man replies, "What will I get?"
The Madam responds, "A fucking Man United shirt."
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If a long condom goes on a long prick and a short condom goes on a short prick, what do you put on a thick prick?
A Man United shirt.
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Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks,"What is your IQ?" The man answers "241". "Wonderful" replies Einstein, "We shall talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mystery of the missing mass". Albert then introduces himself to a woman and asks her, "Whats your IQ". She answers "144". "Fantastic" responds Einstein, very pleased with the party, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss." Albert goes to another person and asks "What is your IQ', and the man answers, "17". Albert says, "Man. United done well this season, didn't they?"
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A fan runs on to the pitch during a Liverpool Man United game at Old Trafford and stabs Steven Gerrard in the chest, killing him instantly.
After consultation between referee Howard Webb and Alex Ferguson, Gerrard is booked for diving.
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Peter Andre has revealed in an interview details of the last conversation he had with Jordan before they split.
Peter: "Your pussy reminds me of Man united's ground, Old trafford".
Jordan: "What do you mean by that ?".
Peter: "It has a large capacity and there's been loads of cocks in it over the years !".
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Alex Ferguson says Man United have something every other team doesn't... yeah its own fucking referees
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I was planning on going to watch a movie with the kids today and we were looking through the paper for something to watch.
"who's this guy with the green costume and the mask and the ring?" i asked.
"silly dad, thats The Green Lantern." replied my daughter
"oh, so who are those little dwarfy things with colourful outfits and stupid hats?"
"stop playing dad, thats Gnomeo & Juliet."
"oh right, then who's this retarded looking ugly fucker with the weird beak?"
"come on, dad, that's Rio!" she yelled.
To be fair, i should have noticed he was in his Man United kit.
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Jonathan Pearce commentating on the Wolves-Man United game on Match Of The Day.
As the first goal went in he said "Nani saw a Chink."
I'm not Fucking surprised they do make up about 90% of their fan base.
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So there's now a female official in the premier league.Will that count as prostitution when Man United start paying her to fuck other teams?
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Bottle of San Miguel, check. Barca scarf, check and did I mention I once went on a day trip to the Nou Camp? According to the same ideologies and principals 95% of Man United fans I'm basically a die hard Barca fan.
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