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Post by march4 on Aug 22, 2011 23:50:28 GMT
Stoke City FC are under investigation by staffordshire police today after allegedly drugging Peter Crouch, Wilson Palacios and Daniel Sturridge and forcing them to sign 7 year contracts with the club on £5k a week. Suspicions arose when Crouch was found running naked through Heron Cross. He commented to startled onlookers that Tony Scholes home made sponge cakes are fucking awesome, after which he did the robot before passing out. Sturridge and Palacios were found later that evening fighting over the last cake dressed in stoke training gear. Reports that palacios lost his neck during the scuffle are as of yet unconfirmed. ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by prem4stoke on Aug 22, 2011 23:51:07 GMT
Stoke Bendt, Crouch and Jerome their sorrows  |
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Post by euanstokie123 on Aug 22, 2011 23:52:39 GMT
On a more serious note, stoke defender Danny Collins has been taken hostage, with the club insisting they will happily pay the kidnappers the demanded 100m
To keep the fecker tied up!
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Post by stokietom1863 on Aug 23, 2011 0:00:50 GMT
Reports later arose that it was true that Lee Trundle HAD brought a house on Trentham Lakes, but he revealved that he had signed a contract agreement that would start on 31st August 2011 and run untill the summer of 2022. It was heralded a success by both manager Tony Pulis and Tony Scholes.
Tony Scholes went on to say "He is one we have been looking at for a long time and we managed to sign him along time ago. Thanks to my foresight though we have clevery not allowed him to play for any other club that could be a potential threat to us in the Premier League"
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Post by expectedtoulouse on Aug 23, 2011 0:10:08 GMT
Meanwhile, Mark O'Connor was suspected of tampering with Harry Redknapp's electric windows shortly before his bi-annual deadline day car park interview with Sky Sports News. This resulted in his head becoming trapped between the window and door which sent him into a twitching spasm, which was later revealed on twitter as to the reason why Defoe was sold to Stoke for £100k.
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Post by BangorStokie on Aug 23, 2011 2:51:49 GMT
Pericard rejoins old Club
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Post by BangorStokie on Aug 23, 2011 2:52:09 GMT
Pericard rejoins old Club Juventus ;D |
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Post by Mickstoke on Aug 23, 2011 7:07:12 GMT
Deals didnt fall into place for us! The players just didnt like me or my negative style of football!
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Post by DansViews on Aug 23, 2011 7:16:23 GMT
I'm gay
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Post by jonso on Aug 23, 2011 7:25:32 GMT
Tony Pulis commented "the apples didn't fall for us this time,but there is always January".
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Post by RINGO STARR on Aug 23, 2011 9:09:23 GMT
"STOKE SIGN SIX SUPER SMASHERS"
Tony Pulis has had arguably one of the busiest days of his long managerial career today.
Following riots and verbal outbursts outside of the training ground on Bank Holiday Monday, Pulis had promised 'supporters' that signings would be imminent. In his own words Pulis added that the signings would "rock your world....baby".
At 8am this morning the only transfers that Stoke City had made in the Summer transfer window had been those of Jonathan Woodgate and Matthew Upson who had both been brought in on free transfers earlier in the window.
By 5pm nervous Stoke fans were still waiting on that first signing, promised only 24 hours previously by manager Pulis. It was at 5:30pm that Skysports news started to break the story of the arrival of Peter Crouch and Wilson Palacios to Stoke. Both had been seen earlier in the day sitting in the car park talking with their agents and John Rudge.
It was then that Peter Crouch got out of his 4x4 super car and opened the boot when Jermain Defoe jumped out of the bopt. Within minutes of all three Tottenham players leaving the car, Pulis appeared from nowhere like an African immigrant watch seller in Spain. He had the pen, he had the paper and skysports watched on and reported the signings there and then.
In what is now known as the Pulis Pull-In, a transfer method never seen or conducted like this since the transfer window system began Pulis added....."So Sky you wanted fuckin drama and you got it sky. You think that Harry fuckin Redknapp is good sitting in his fucking car, and his Mrs phoning him pretending to be Jose Mourinho. Well beat this floppychops.
My Transfer kept secret till last minute then signed by my own working class bic pen that Dave Kemp brought from Partners in Leek. Players signing their contracts on the roof of Danny Pugh's Ford Focus. This is how you do it Sky. You mess with feathers you get your arse tickled. Now fuck off cause I've got to go and meet Joey Barton, Liam Ridgewell and Craig Bellamy in Chicago Rock. Good night-god fucking bless"
It proved to be a succesful day for the Potteries club who brought in six international footballers for a combined fee in the region £32m.
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Post by mistersausage on Aug 23, 2011 9:11:27 GMT
But unfortunately for the Potters Tony Scholes was found to be wanting, making mistakes on EVERY single contract which made them null and void.
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Post by PerCyfilth ....Captains Log on Aug 23, 2011 9:18:52 GMT
Bollocks! Have i missed the deadline again exclaimed surprised Potters boss!
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Post by gary47 on Aug 23, 2011 11:46:03 GMT
Pulis reveals pericard as his star signing smack on deadline
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RICCAARRDDOO! JAMAICA SUPERSTAR, STOKE CITY HERO! 
