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Post by Arthurdollar on Jun 24, 2011 7:06:20 GMT
Bridget the midget goes to the Doctors complaing of a very sore and chapped fanny oozing green and yellow puss, she is in agony.  The Doctor looks in horror as he examines her, he says who have you been shagging a Donkey, she replies NO Doc i am a virgin. After his initial examination he thinks he has sussed the problem and he reaches for his scalpel. Don't worry says the Doc to Bridget, this will not hurt but stay still. After about 10 minutes of swishing and swashing with his scalpel the Doc says get on your feet and walk up and down the Surgery for a few minutes. Now how do you feel now Bridget and she replies i feel like a new women Doc you have cured me off all my pain. Did you perform one of those hysterectomy's ??? No says the Doctor, i cut 3" off the the top of your wellies. ;D |
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Post by miltonstokie on Jun 24, 2011 7:51:52 GMT
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.That shut her up.
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Post by frasier45 on Jun 24, 2011 8:23:58 GMT
Man pulls wife into bedroom and he rips off her clothes. "Now darling do a handstand against the full length mirror on the wall".
"Hmmm," she thinks "KINKY... I like it.". She does the handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her privates. "The boys down the pub were right, a goatie would suit me!"
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Post by kidgrovestokie on Jun 24, 2011 8:29:22 GMT
I just got home from the World Blindfolded Wanking Championships
I don't know where I came.
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Post by Beloved Monkfish on Jun 24, 2011 9:08:08 GMT
I just got home from the World Blindfolded Wanking Championships I don't know where I came. ;D |
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Post by winedelilah on Jun 24, 2011 9:22:27 GMT
I just got home from the World Blindfolded Wanking Championships I don't know where I came. ;D |
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Post by redsaturday on Jun 24, 2011 11:06:49 GMT
I just got home from the World Blindfolded Wanking Championships I don't know where I came. ;D Laughing smiley |
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Post by pearo on Jun 24, 2011 11:13:03 GMT
I just got home from the World Multiple Wanking Championships
I came 3rd, 19th, 57th and 124th
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Post by jasonbourne on Jun 24, 2011 11:39:42 GMT
Whats the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
The Wheelchair.
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Post by jasonbourne on Jun 24, 2011 11:44:50 GMT
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent last month.
Simon said, "What is your act?"
I said, "Magic."
He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?"
I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air."
He said, "Have you ever done this before?"
I said, "Yes, once."
He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck."
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Post by pearo on Jun 24, 2011 11:49:18 GMT
The Premature Ejaculation Society are having a dinner dance tonight, no dress code, just come in your pants
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Post by miltonstokie on Jun 24, 2011 11:57:37 GMT
I was sat in my disabled grandmothers room at the nursing home, watching her gently sleep. Small bubbles of dribble formed at the corners of her mouth and gently trickled down her chin. I got a text from my girlfriend asking how things were, I replied "good thanks, nan just dozed off, looks so cute really do wish you were her""hehe silly predictive text, you meant here xx"... No.... I didn't.
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Post by frasier45 on Jun 24, 2011 12:05:47 GMT
Whats the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Ah ...taboo Jason  Very sensitive ground Don't disrespect wheel chairs Just a warning The Wheelchair. Ah ...taboo Jason Very sensitive ground Don't disrespect wheel chairs Just a warning |
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Post by redsaturday on Jun 24, 2011 12:08:24 GMT
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent last month. Simon said, "What is your act?" I said, "Magic." He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?" I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air." He said, "Have you ever done this before?" I said, "Yes, once." He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck." Fucking great |
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on Jun 24, 2011 12:54:37 GMT
Just got a parcel from Holland, I opened it, and inside was a plastic fanny. I thought: "That's nice. Two lips from Amsterdam. "
There's something rather special about an epileptic's clitoris.....
I just can't quite put my finger on it.....
Little Billy was watching tv. He comes downstairs & asks, "Dad what's love juice?" His father looks horrified & tells Billy all about sex & why a womans vagina gets wet. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad asks, "So what were you watching?" Billy replies, "Wimbledon!?"
Missus rang me earlier & said "Where the hell are you?" I replied "You know that jewellers where we saw those diamond earrings you really liked?" "Yes" she said in a much softer voice. "Well, I'm in the pub opposite"
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Post by jasonbourne on Jun 24, 2011 13:06:52 GMT
Whats the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Ah ...taboo Jason Very sensitive ground Don't disrespect wheel chairs Just a warning The Wheelchair. Ah ...taboo Jason Very sensitive ground Don't disrespect wheel chairs Just a warning ??? When I'm bored, I like to switch the baby monitors on and make pretend crying noises into the one upstairs. My wife's never seen the funny side though, especially since the baby died.  |
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Post by Dr Oetcake on Jun 24, 2011 13:22:18 GMT
Guy goes into the doctors and says "Ive got a problem with me back passage".
Doc says "Bend over and I'll take a look". After a few seconds he says "Good Lord, you appear to have a lettuce leaf wedged up there."
"I know" says the bloke .."and thats just the tip of the iceberg."
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Post by winedelilah on Jun 24, 2011 13:32:32 GMT
Boo Boo.. ;D
Oetcake.. ;D
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Post by Dr Oetcake on Jun 24, 2011 13:45:41 GMT
same bloke is back at the GP's the following week
Dr "Not you again, whats wrong this time?"
Bloke "I got a cricket ball stuck up me chuff this morning".
Dr "A cricket ball??? Hows that?"
Bloke "Dont you start".
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on Jun 24, 2011 15:42:13 GMT
"The power of love, is a curious thing. Makes one man weep, makes another man sing."
That's gay rape for you.
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Post by Northy on Jun 24, 2011 15:56:32 GMT
"The power of love, is a curious thing. Makes one man weep, makes another man sing." who sang that? |
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Post by pearo on Jun 24, 2011 16:31:18 GMT
Huey Lewis and the News........................ Now that's a joke
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