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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 15, 2011 17:43:04 GMT
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working too,"
Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that,"
Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a paper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
"Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck."Where is it?"
"At the circus,"
Says the barman.
"The circus?"
Repeats the duck.
"That's right,"
Replies the barman.
"The circus?" The duck asks again. With the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?"says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
"What the FUCK would they want with a plasterer??!"
;D
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Post by robdog on Apr 15, 2011 19:41:27 GMT
thats 5 minutes of my life ill never get back
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Post by frasier45 on Apr 15, 2011 20:35:36 GMT
;D
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Post by neoisd1 on Apr 15, 2011 20:47:20 GMT
thats 5 minutes of my life ill never get back 5 minutes to read that ??? But I do agree, it was shit!  ;D |
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Post by lurcherman on Apr 15, 2011 20:57:45 GMT
A little lad runs in to see his grandma while his mum unloads the shopping in the kitchen.
Suddenly he comes running back in shouting "Mum Grannie's got a prawn" ,
his mum replies "What on earth are you on about son".
The boy takes his mother into the lounge and points at Grannie lying on the sofa stark naked & asleep.
He points between Grannie's legs and says " There look" "Grannie's got a prawn",
his mother whispers , "that's not a prawn that's a clitoris son".
just as she's walking off feeling really embarrassed
the little boy says...........................
" Well it tastes like a prawn "
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Post by jbstokie on Apr 15, 2011 20:58:41 GMT
Tickled me ;D
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Post by winedelilah on Apr 15, 2011 21:07:17 GMT
;D ;D
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Post by Ddraigcoch on Apr 15, 2011 22:46:11 GMT
Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint.
The barman says that will be £3.50
Duck says fuck that and waddles off.
Sorry got that wrong ....the duck says: ''Nice one pal ....put it on my bill''
Goodnight!
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Post by Stalking Horse on Apr 15, 2011 22:51:16 GMT
Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman says that will be £3.50,and gives the duck his beer. He then says 'We don't get many talking ducks in here.' 'I'm not fucking surprised at these prices!!' replies the duck. |
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Post by ersaurebot 1, 000, 000 views on Apr 16, 2011 6:36:43 GMT
Love the first one x
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on Apr 16, 2011 8:04:16 GMT
An African man just begged me for money & when i said no, he burst into tears.
Fucking emotional black male.
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;D
