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Post by StokieMatt on Dec 25, 2010 22:59:33 GMT
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.""Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...On the couch...Sobbing...Naked...and erect.
well it made me laugh ;D ;D
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Post by PickSCFC on Dec 25, 2010 23:11:32 GMT
Funny joke mate but the thread should be names birthday joke  |
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Post by StokieMatt on Dec 25, 2010 23:15:32 GMT
Christmas is celebrating jesus' birthday...  |
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Post by PoisonedDonkey on Dec 26, 2010 2:05:47 GMT
That actually made me horny. Up until the last couple of lines I was imagining it as a porno, and I had a semi going.  ;D |
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Post by evans1863 on Dec 26, 2010 4:03:30 GMT
I hate the way you can no longer say "black paint"
Now its "Can you please paint that wall for me Leroy?"
What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
The woman.
In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up, she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above.
"For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell out of the fish now?!"
A family are driving behind a dustcart when a dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. Embarassed and to protect her young sons innocence, the woman says it was an insect, to which one of the boys replied "I'm supprised it can fly with a cock like that!"
Scientists have discovered that beer contains female hormones. To prove this they gave 3 men 12 pints, suddenly they talked shite, gained weight and couldn't drive.
A man says to his wife "I had a wet dream about you last night"
"Aww did you ?" wife replies. "Yeah, I dreamt you were hit by a bus and pissed myself laughing"
What kind of file do you use to make a small hole larger.....
A Pedophile
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Post by Stoke-on-Toronto on Dec 26, 2010 4:50:52 GMT
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard. It's good for a hot dog.
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Post by pretzel on Dec 26, 2010 9:06:19 GMT
I sent my missus up to B&Q last week to get a new fibre optic tree.
The helpful guy in there asked..
"will you be putting this up yourself?"
She replied...
"No you pervy bastard, its going in the conservatory!"
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;D
