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Post by ted1965 on Mar 20, 2008 9:41:14 GMT
It seems the pundits and journalists of much of England dislike something about Stoke city without actually having seen us play or from second hand information. So I thought we could play a little game of I haven’t actually seen Stoke play but obviously they are.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but obviously they play like Wimbledon without the skill, this I know from talking to my old pal Bryan Robson. He told me this in strictest confidence and so it must be true. I know they don’t allow the goalkeeper to take free kicks, they have a small cannon behind the goal and it fires the ball like an artillery shell to their 6 feet 9 inch forward who then knocks it into the path of their other unskilful 6 feet 7 inch forward.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but they are only top of the league because of the terrible state of the pitches at Championship levels, their pitch is one of the worst for sure, this I know because Alan Pardew calls me every weekend and tells me so, I know Alan he has been to an FA Cup final with West Ham and if someone who has managed such an illustrious side as them tells me then I know it’s the truth.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but I wouldn’t cross the road to watch them, this I know because many people have told me so in my local pub here next to Sky sports studios, the other reason I wouldn’t cross the road and see Stoke it would mean leaving the bar for 90 minutes and how can I do this and get the relevant information on sides like Stoke.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but they are a thug like bully boy side, this I know because the local media from the West Midlands keep telling everyone and they are the bastions of fair play and honesty and wouldn’t show and bias whatsoever towards their own sides.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but I already know they will be a total embarrassment to the Premiership if they get promoted because I heard Perry Groves telling his three viewers and their sheep dates so as I passed through Anglia television last week. If a player of the calibre of Perry says so then it must be true, he played for Arsenal you know.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but they are a defensive minded side who score very few goals I know this because their manager is renowned for this kind of football and it’s obviously a misprint in the papers that they have scored so many goals. It should read 16, otherwise all my preconceptions of them are wrong and that can't be true cause I would never print second hand information without checking my facts.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but I know the journalist from their game with Blackpool obviously was high on sea water and crack cocaine when he wrote they were the best football side he had seen at Blackpool this season, I have recommended that he be sectioned for the safety of football until he comes to his senses.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but I know they’re the luckiest side in the Championship and are obviously in a false position in the league, this I know from listening to Tony Gale, Glen Roeder, Bryan Robson and just about any other manager or so called expert who has seen them play once or twice, how can so many people be wrong and obviously none of them have any grudge about being beaten by them because football managers are always such an honest bunch who call games right down the middle.
I haven’t seen Stoke play but lets be honest how can they be a good side, they’ve never played in the Premiership and everyone knows if you haven’t played Premiership football you can’t be any good, that stands to reason.
I haven’t seen Stoke play, though I do know Sir Stan used to play for them way back when football didn’t exist pre Premiership, though obviously he was only really good for Blackpool.
I haven’t seen Stoke and yes I have been told they won the league cup, though as I have said before, trophies won back then shouldn’t count, they weren’t during the Premiership years and anyhow when they won it there mustn’t have been any big sides like Chelsea or Manchester United involved in the competition.
So anyone else got any more.
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Post by ben88 on Mar 20, 2008 9:45:10 GMT
i havent seen stoke play but obviously they are all 7 foot black men with mace's for arms
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10 Pint Potter
Youth Player
Goaarrn you rip roaring Potters!!!! WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE SAY WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE!
Posts: 417
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Post by 10 Pint Potter on Mar 20, 2008 9:47:58 GMT
I haven't seen Stoke but I've been told they only score goals from set pieces and from some guy called Rory Delap who has a really long throw. the papers who spoke about Fullers goals against West Brazil and Wolves must be trying to make Stoke feel better, or else they must have been exceedingly lucky
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Post by frasier37 on Mar 20, 2008 9:48:24 GMT
You're talents are wasted Ted. Great post  |
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Post by PotteringThrough on Mar 20, 2008 10:51:49 GMT
I haven't seen Stoke play but they never ever deserve to win against London opposition becuase they get a lucky goal and then sit back and receive relentless pressure from the more deserving of a win London side. I know this because Scott Minto has seen us play whilst working for Sky and that is how it always is against London Clubs!
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Post by luke45 on Mar 20, 2008 11:10:45 GMT
another excellent and very true post Ted.
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Post by y_oh_y_delilah on Mar 20, 2008 11:49:22 GMT
Bloody hell Ted, are you psychic or what!!
I'm away on business at the moment in the Czech Republic, and I'm standing at the bar (like you do!) discussing sport and all things Stoke with another English guy (who will remain nameless in case he's known!). He's not seen Stoke play for more than 20 years (more of a rugby type myself, old chap), but he's been totally indoctrinated that yes, we really are a team of 2 metre tall black giants who can only profit from (very) long throws delivered by some bloke with a broken leg who's on loan from Sunderland.
JESUS WEPT!!
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Post by ted1965 on Mar 20, 2008 11:53:37 GMT
I met his brother the other night in the Chinese Y-O-Y-D and he said the same thing, though he did ask whether we still had Alan Ball as manager, I said he died last year, and he nodded and said so he's not taking an active roll in training then.
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Post by jpm64 on Mar 20, 2008 15:23:27 GMT
I haven't seen Stoke play but they must be Wank because despite the fact that 23 other teams would happily swap places with them.... Some of their fans continue to have a pop at their Manager at every available oppurtunity Where IS Spiderhinge today ??? |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2008 15:47:06 GMT
I haven't seen Stoke play but no one can forget, let alone forgive the rancid stench of spiritual vileness present in Tony Pulis's team, who commit sacrilidge every time they share a pitch with West Bromwich Brazil and offend all sentient beings by robbing them of victory every time they do so. To deprive the ever beautiful and fragrant West Bromwich Brazil from their justified and automatic right to Premiership elevation would be too much to forgive and surely the FA and FIFA must be compelled to fine this putrid team enough points to prevent their promotion. No I have never seen Sroke play, but this much is obvious.
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Post by Kenilworth_Stokies on Mar 20, 2008 15:55:23 GMT
I haven't seen Stoke play because, well, I'm a West Brom fan and quite frankly it's too painful for me to watch them play us. But rest assured they probably cheated.
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Post by knowingeye on Mar 20, 2008 15:58:52 GMT
"I haven't seen Stoke play obviously, but..." Stevie Wonder on The Cosby Show 1986 
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Post by Adster on Mar 20, 2008 19:08:41 GMT
"I haven't seen Stoke play obviously, but..." Stevie Wonder on The Cosby Show 1986 PISSER ;D Karma for u my good man ;D |
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Post by salopstick on Mar 20, 2008 20:04:54 GMT
i havnt seen stoke play but they must be shit because paul merson said so
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Mar 21, 2008 8:53:34 GMT
Heres a real one guess which teams fan said this?!  Re: Entertainment or boring champions? « Reply #1 on: Yesterday at 16:08 » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I would go for the first option given that we make it to the PL through the playoffs Even though I don't get to see 99% of the games, I am more proud to support a team that actually plays football instead of raping it |
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Post by y_oh_y_delilah on Mar 21, 2008 9:25:23 GMT
Daftburger, being as the question is 'fan' - in the singular, is it Port Vale? |
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Post by Jamo on the wing on Mar 21, 2008 9:28:48 GMT
Y-o-Y, To give you a clue, could you not detect the Samba twang in the extract Mr DB posted on here? |
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Mar 21, 2008 9:31:56 GMT
Daftburger, being as the question is 'fan' - in the singular, is it Port Fail? No it's not a team that plays its home games at the Wembley of the North although it is said this teams balls never leave the grASS! ;D |
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Post by ted1965 on Mar 21, 2008 9:32:56 GMT
yam sure about that ar kid
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Post by kinnell on Mar 21, 2008 10:38:08 GMT
The little flaw here, Ted, is they HAVE seen Stoke play, whether you like what they say or not!
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Post by Stephen Frys' Ring on Mar 21, 2008 13:37:41 GMT
I have'nt seen Stoke play because it hurts my eyes with there nasty bully boy antics and non skill un flowing football.
K.Keegan of the great geordie...what,what do u mean we r in a relegation dogfight,we r newcastle we can't...oh shit it is close is'nt it better do a runner,Terry start the car we're leaving asap
Eh,calm down,calm down we'll be ok,kevin....kevin...kev come back u twat !!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by mermaidsal on Mar 21, 2008 13:59:02 GMT
ted, just once in a while can you say something that's not spot-on perceptive please, just to prove you're mortal??  It also feels to me like a lot of pundits who barely know the Championship are coming out with all the clichés about this division and attributing them to Stoke, partly I guess because we have one of those names people think must be funny or crap, but mainly because they've never seen either us or TP at 'their' level so we just haven't been on the radar. So they just read the team sheet, say everyone's 7 feet tall or black or both, and never seem to notice that we've spread the goals round the team more than anyone else in the Champ, which is surely as much proof as you could ask for that we don't only hoof. Don't mind the 'set-piece specialists' tag, that's just true and more power to us. |
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