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Post by scfcwebby on Feb 16, 2020 1:16:09 GMT
Have any of you ever taken somebody back after they have been unfaithful? Can it work or is it ruined once the trust has gone, can you ever learn to trust them again.
Added complication of kids involved, is it right to try and sort it for them even though your heart isn't really in it any more?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2020 3:25:56 GMT
Have any of you ever taken somebody back after they have been unfaithful? Can it work or is it ruined once the trust has gone, can you ever learn to trust them again. Added complication of kids involved, is it right to try and sort it for them even though your heart isn't really in it any more? If your heart isn't in it anymore then you already have the answer to your questions. It can work if you two can come to an understanding of what led the other to fool around and I suppose in a way it could strengthen some relationships if it means the airing of thoughts and feelings. However, if the heart isn't in it then the kids will notice and it's better to have separated parents who provide a happy atmosphere than two who are together providing a negative one.
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Post by Etain Tur-Mukan on Feb 16, 2020 7:17:06 GMT
Have any of you ever taken somebody back after they have been unfaithful? Can it work or is it ruined once the trust has gone, can you ever learn to trust them again. Added complication of kids involved, is it right to try and sort it for them even though your heart isn't really in it any more? Never take the fucker back imo
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Post by felonious on Feb 16, 2020 7:39:44 GMT
Have any of you ever taken somebody back after they have been unfaithful? Can it work or is it ruined once the trust has gone, can you ever learn to trust them again. Added complication of kids involved, is it right to try and sort it for them even though your heart isn't really in it any more? I would never have thought it was possible however it happened to two friends of mine and for the 20 years or so afterwards until one of them passed away it was as happy and loving a relationship as I've seen.
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Post by zerps on Feb 16, 2020 7:42:08 GMT
Is a happy ending after a thai massage cheating?
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Post by bathstoke on Feb 16, 2020 8:57:27 GMT
Matt 5:27-28 You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Feb 17, 2020 11:54:44 GMT
You deserve better. Have a spine and some balls and tell her to fuck off.
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Post by foster on Feb 17, 2020 12:08:57 GMT
Have any of you ever taken somebody back after they have been unfaithful? Can it work or is it ruined once the trust has gone, can you ever learn to trust them again. Added complication of kids involved, is it right to try and sort it for them even though your heart isn't really in it any more? Never take her back. The mental image of her riding another guys cock would be enough to drive you to full blown paranoia. Not to mention the trust, guilt and resentment issues that would be there constantly. As for feeling from the heart. I separated from my ex because our hearts weren't in it anymore and I did it mainly for the kids. I wanted a happy household for them, and if it meant me (and her) going it alone then so be it. I have a girlfriend now, going on 3 years, but if she ever cheated on me (and I found out) then she'd be straight out of the door without a second glance.
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Feb 17, 2020 12:27:27 GMT
The closest I've ever got to this was when I was trying to shag a bird from Tean and she shagged someone else in the meantime. Put me right off her, couldn't look at her or speak to her in the same way ever since.
If she's actually your bird she's not worth having, bin her off immediately.
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Post by foster on Feb 17, 2020 12:36:30 GMT
The closest I've ever got to this was when I was trying to shag a bird from Tean and she shagged someone else in the meantime. Put me right off her, couldn't look at her or speak to her in the same way ever since. If she's actually your bird she's not worth having, bin her off immediately. You're hard pushed to find many classy birds nowadays. Which is a shame, because as Stoke fans, we men are about as classy as you can get.
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Post by felonious on Feb 17, 2020 12:51:07 GMT
You deserve better. Have a spine and some balls and tell her to fuck off. Touched a nerve?
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Post by partickpotter on Feb 17, 2020 13:20:09 GMT
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Post by chigstoke on Feb 17, 2020 13:23:48 GMT
I agree wholeheartedly with what Foster said, webby.
Trust would evaporate completely, paranoia of the 'what if it happens again?' scenario. It's not worth the fretting. If I had a bird and she cheated on me, that imagery of her slopping on another cock would drive me mad. Ballistic even.
Personally I think it adds up to making the whole situation worse. If their heart isn't in it, I don't want to be with them. I could never forgive them.
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Post by scfcwebby on Feb 17, 2020 14:10:45 GMT
The difficult thing to get my head around is that she had promised that nothing physical ever happened and was just messaging but im not sure whether what i read is actually harder to get over than a "1 night stand" she had said that it was a massive mistake that she regrets but it went on for 3 months... Ive then seen videos of her with him (posted innocently by the pub in which the dancing took place) of her dancing with him.
For perspective we have been together for 13 years, married for 2 and a half, have 5 kids, 2 that i have brought up for 13 years (and are 100% mine now) and 3 we have had together
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Post by basingstokie on Feb 17, 2020 14:46:06 GMT
I had exactly the same experience as you SCFCWebby. I found out via messages, which were pretty explicit, but she denied anything more than kissing. TBH, I don't believe that and sure she was only admitting what she thought I already knew. Having read the messages I didn't believe her and I think you would be pretty naïve to believe that nothing more than dancing happened in 3 months.
Whether you can move on from this is up to you, but I think she would have to be completely open, transparent, show you her phone, account for all spending, where she is pretty much constantly - otherwise your imagination will taunt you constantly. I couldn't live like that (not sure your wife could either), so maybe its better to go your own way now
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Post by chigstoke on Feb 17, 2020 15:27:06 GMT
The difficult thing to get my head around is that she had promised that nothing physical ever happened and was just messaging but im not sure whether what i read is actually harder to get over than a "1 night stand" she had said that it was a massive mistake that she regrets but it went on for 3 months... Ive then seen videos of her with him (posted innocently by the pub in which the dancing took place) of her dancing with him. For perspective we have been together for 13 years, married for 2 and a half, have 5 kids, 2 that i have brought up for 13 years (and are 100% mine now) and 3 we have had together 3 months is a hell of a long time for a 'mistake' though mate, and I find it hard to be believe (personally, anyway), that it's just messaging in 3 months. Depends what they've been messaging though Webby really. If it's explicit content with a view to actually lead into something physical, then IMO I'd be telling her where to go.
Ultimately, it is up to you to make the call you believe is the right one. All we can do on here is offer our advice, but you're under no obligation to take it on. Do what you think is the right thing to do.
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Post by foster on Feb 17, 2020 15:39:14 GMT
The difficult thing to get my head around is that she had promised that nothing physical ever happened and was just messaging but im not sure whether what i read is actually harder to get over than a "1 night stand" she had said that it was a massive mistake that she regrets but it went on for 3 months... Ive then seen videos of her with him (posted innocently by the pub in which the dancing took place) of her dancing with him. For perspective we have been together for 13 years, married for 2 and a half, have 5 kids, 2 that i have brought up for 13 years (and are 100% mine now) and 3 we have had together Sorry to hear that mate. I'm not going to say that you should follow my advice or whoever elses because none of us are in your situation. If I were in your situation I know that I would struggle to keep my imagination in check though. When I divorced it was tough for a while but now I'm fine. We argued on a daily basis and that had been going on for years so it wasn't a rash decision. I just asked myself if the kids were going to suffer because of all the fighting and negative vibes and that's what ultimately pushed me to decide to leave her. It may sound a bit daft but I also thought to myself 'when I die, do i really want to be buried next to her.... for all eternity? Is that really what I want or the best I can do?'. I also contemplated the idea of splitting from her 10 years down the line and the time I would have wasted, or getting to retirement with her and having nothing to talk about for the rest of my life. These thoughts scared me quite a bit and since I'm not too old (36 at the time), I thought I'd have a decent chance of snagging someone else with the time I have left. Maybe something to consider is how you'll feel if you do nothing now and then find out that she has been unfaithful years down the line.
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Post by salopstick on Feb 18, 2020 22:55:18 GMT
I’d go and confront the other cunt as well
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Post by flea79 on Feb 19, 2020 0:06:55 GMT
Jesus Christ The spirit of Jezza Kyle lives on here! In all fairness go see relate and talk through it with a marriage counsellor, my old folks went after my old man was caught at it, saved them? Or at least it kept them together.....
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Feb 19, 2020 1:49:28 GMT
Jesus Christ The spirit of Jezza Kyle lives on here! In all fairness go see relate and talk through it with a marriage counsellor, my old folks went after my old man was caught at it, saved them? Or at least it kept them together..... The cuckoldry disease is alive and well on the Oatcake. Fucking beta male soyboys everywhere you turn these days.
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Feb 19, 2020 1:51:18 GMT
I’d go and confront the other cunt as well Here's a real man. Well in lad. I can't believe I've seriously read an alleged bloke seriously suggest trying to patch things up. What's the fucking world coming to?
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Post by vokeswagen on Feb 19, 2020 7:18:42 GMT
I’d go and confront the other cunt as well Here's a real man. Well in lad. I can't believe I've seriously read an alleged bloke seriously suggest trying to patch things up. What's the fucking world coming to? Soyboys... Beta male... These days... Cuckoldry... What's the world coming to... Looks like someone has been watching too much Paul Joseph Watson and spending too little time in the real world A few things... There's nothing wrong with beta males or gamma ones, kappa ones, theta ones, lambda ones, or any other ones for that matter. If everyone was an alpha male, the world would be even more full of cunts than it already is. Also you don't exactly strike me as an alpha male so I'm not sure why you're espousing it The OP is clearly going through a tough time. None of us can hope to understand what his exact situation is like. Yet here you are, knowing best and blustering away like General fucking Melchett. "Alleged bloke"?! Do us a fucking favour you pipe. You ask what the world is coming to, like some sad little old man. Well it's moving away from the sort of macho gibberish you clearly pine for. You can probably find plenty of lads pursuing "real man" status in places like Saudi Arabia if that sort of insecure repressed posturing is what you want. In all honesty your attitude fucking stinks "these days" pal. You used to be a decent poster. But you've lurched so far into alt right fantasy land that many of your posts now verge on the incomprehensible. Some, like these ones, are just downright vile. Take a deep breath and think before you knowingly insult someone going through a marriage break up in future. You don't know best. None of us do. And try to keep that big ole chip on your shoulder to yourself if you've got nothing constructive to offer.
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Post by felonious on Feb 19, 2020 8:03:17 GMT
The difficult thing to get my head around is that she had promised that nothing physical ever happened and was just messaging but im not sure whether what i read is actually harder to get over than a "1 night stand" she had said that it was a massive mistake that she regrets but it went on for 3 months... Ive then seen videos of her with him (posted innocently by the pub in which the dancing took place) of her dancing with him. For perspective we have been together for 13 years, married for 2 and a half, have 5 kids, 2 that i have brought up for 13 years (and are 100% mine now) and 3 we have had together Whilst you won't find any answers on here the best I've seen is Relate and a little conversation with a third party. Perhaps a little introspection as well as to any part you might have played in getting to this point. I remember one of my friends kicking off when he found out his wife had been having an affair but he calmed down when I pointed out to him that it was no different than he'd done many years earlier. Best of luck mate whatever you do you and the missus are 6th and 7th in the line of importance here.
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Post by dutchstokie on Feb 19, 2020 10:44:58 GMT
I'm well shot of my ex......and more happier than Ive ever been. She dropped a bollock back in 2009 when I was looking for a Stoke related story on the lap top....I went into the history of the PC and what did I find: Child maintenance advice divorce guidelines advice Splitting of assets Partner maintenance Selling the car AND emails between her and her old flame Shed been at it for 4 months Absolutely broke my heart so the trust was over. The 2 kids come first in everything we agree upon now and to be honest I cant fault her on that respect. Rayte filth n all she was but hey, theres plenty more fish in the sea !!!! Advice? Sack it off and get yourself a new model !
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Post by heyzeus on Feb 19, 2020 10:50:30 GMT
I'm well shot of my ex......and more happier than Ive ever been. She dropped a bollock back in 2009 when I was looking for a Stoke related story on the lap top....I went into the history of the PC and what did I find: Child maintenance advice divorce guidelines advice Splitting of assets Partner maintenance Selling the car AND emails between her and her old flame Shed been at it for 4 months Absolutely broke my heart so the trust was over. The 2 kids come first in everything we agree upon now and to be honest I cant fault her on that respect. Rayte filth n all she was but hey, theres plenty more fish in the sea !!!! Advice? Sack it off and get yourself a new model ! Did you manage to keep the car?
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Post by felonious on Feb 19, 2020 11:18:27 GMT
I'm well shot of my ex......and more happier than Ive ever been. She dropped a bollock back in 2009 when I was looking for a Stoke related story on the lap top....I went into the history of the PC and what did I find: Child maintenance advice divorce guidelines advice Splitting of assets Partner maintenance Selling the car AND emails between her and her old flame Shed been at it for 4 months Absolutely broke my heart so the trust was over. The 2 kids come first in everything we agree upon now and to be honest I cant fault her on that respect. Rayte filth n all she was but hey, theres plenty more fish in the sea !!!! Advice? Sack it off and get yourself a new model ! As a general rule it's always wise to look at the mother in law for clues
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Post by Northy on Feb 19, 2020 11:46:12 GMT
The difficult thing to get my head around is that she had promised that nothing physical ever happened and was just messaging but im not sure whether what i read is actually harder to get over than a "1 night stand" she had said that it was a massive mistake that she regrets but it went on for 3 months... Ive then seen videos of her with him (posted innocently by the pub in which the dancing took place) of her dancing with him. For perspective we have been together for 13 years, married for 2 and a half, have 5 kids, 2 that i have brought up for 13 years (and are 100% mine now) and 3 we have had together Have things slipped into a bit of boring routine, 5 kids n all that, was it a bit of a mid life crisis thing? Do you take liberties like going the match or the pub after working all week and leaving the kids with her etc. ? If it was, change the routine a bit, get a baby sitter, take her out, talk heart to heart and see what the problem is/was, was it just a stupid mistake as she was just after a bit of attention
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Post by lordb on Feb 19, 2020 12:19:23 GMT
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Post by dutchstokie on Feb 19, 2020 12:37:38 GMT
I'm well shot of my ex......and more happier than Ive ever been. She dropped a bollock back in 2009 when I was looking for a Stoke related story on the lap top....I went into the history of the PC and what did I find: Child maintenance advice divorce guidelines advice Splitting of assets Partner maintenance Selling the car AND emails between her and her old flame Shed been at it for 4 months Absolutely broke my heart so the trust was over. The 2 kids come first in everything we agree upon now and to be honest I cant fault her on that respect. Rayte filth n all she was but hey, theres plenty more fish in the sea !!!! Advice? Sack it off and get yourself a new model ! As a general rule it's always wise to look at the mother in law for clues Haha....wierd thing is the M-I-L is a real good laugh and I keep in constant contact with her....a real nice lady ( in a non pervy way )
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Post by dutchstokie on Feb 19, 2020 12:39:45 GMT
I'm well shot of my ex......and more happier than Ive ever been. She dropped a bollock back in 2009 when I was looking for a Stoke related story on the lap top....I went into the history of the PC and what did I find: Child maintenance advice divorce guidelines advice Splitting of assets Partner maintenance Selling the car AND emails between her and her old flame Shed been at it for 4 months Absolutely broke my heart so the trust was over. The 2 kids come first in everything we agree upon now and to be honest I cant fault her on that respect. Rayte filth n all she was but hey, theres plenty more fish in the sea !!!! Advice? Sack it off and get yourself a new model ! Did you manage to keep the car? Nah we sold it and split the money ( which some way made up for the nearly €6 K she cleaned out of our joint account !!!!!!)
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