|
Post by marylandstoke on Aug 10, 2022 23:16:29 GMT
I went to a rough school. Our football team didn't have a grass pitch. We played on concrete. In the first round of the two legged Inter School Cup, we played an even rougher school, who's pitch resembled a builders yard. We won 2-1 at home and 3-1 away. So that's 5-2 on aggregate Did take me a moment
|
|
|
Post by Orbs on Aug 13, 2022 12:16:18 GMT
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
|
|
|
Post by maxplonk on Aug 15, 2022 9:52:40 GMT
Thank you all so much for teaching me the meaning of the word 'plethora'. It really means a lot.
|
|
|
Post by scfc1863 on Aug 15, 2022 10:53:30 GMT
School geography class,
Pupil " Where does water come from?"
Teacher " Well, .... "
"Thought so " interrupts pupil.
|
|
|
Post by marylandstoke on Aug 16, 2022 14:36:12 GMT
Who played the lead in Lassie?
Trick question, Lassie never wore a lead.
|
|
|
Post by maxplonk on Aug 18, 2022 11:36:32 GMT
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear...
is sphere itself.
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 18, 2022 13:25:51 GMT
I was once in a band called ‘The Radiators’, we were a warm up act. Then I joined ‘The Duvets’, we mainly did covers. After that, I was in an outfit called ‘Cats Eyes’, mostly middle of the road stuff. Now I'm in a group called ‘Missing Cat’, you may have seen our posters...
(Courtesy of the dadjoke guy on twitter )
|
|
|
Post by pretzel on Aug 18, 2022 16:28:53 GMT
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear... is sphere itself. I had to read that a few times before the penny dropped
|
|
|
Post by spiderpuss on Aug 18, 2022 19:37:01 GMT
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear... is sphere itself. I had to read that a few times before the penny dropped The master joke teller and op, foiled. It can only be a Thursday.
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 19, 2022 8:18:51 GMT
The wife said she’d leave me unless I stopped making photography puns…
I said “Snap out of it, don’t be so negative, let’s see how things develop!”
Her face was a picture! She was out of the house in a flash…
|
|
|
Post by Hereward the Wake ᛊᛏᛟᚲᛖ on Aug 19, 2022 19:34:41 GMT
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?”
About a buck an ear!
|
|
|
Post by lawrieleslie on Aug 20, 2022 7:05:40 GMT
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?” About a buck an ear! And how many ears did Mr Spock from Star Trek have. 3…….his left ear, his right ear and his final frontier.
|
|
|
Post by lawrieleslie on Aug 20, 2022 7:08:30 GMT
Courtesy of Tony Blackburn cringe-fest Saturday morning jokes….. A new car has been developed specifically for the American Cowboy market. …….it’s called the Audi Partner.
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 20, 2022 8:54:09 GMT
There was very nearly a futuristic spin-off from On The Buses where they all drove space-buses. The provisional title was Blakey’s Seven
|
|
|
Post by backintheday on Aug 20, 2022 9:42:05 GMT
There was very nearly a futuristic spin-off from On The Buses where they all drove space-buses. The provisional title was Blakey’s Seven lol only people of a certain age will get this. Blakes seven was cult viewing when I was at uni Big budget sci fi 50pence an episode - three for a quid
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 20, 2022 11:07:31 GMT
There was very nearly a futuristic spin-off from On The Buses where they all drove space-buses. The provisional title was Blakey’s Seven lol only people of a certain age will get this. Blakes seven was cult viewing when I was at uni Big budget sci fi 50pence an episode - three for a quid Got this on Twitter and someone else then posted a mock up poster with the tagline " In space noone can hear you scream I'll get you Butler" which I liked !
|
|
|
Post by maxplonk on Aug 21, 2022 12:11:55 GMT
There was very nearly a futuristic spin-off from On The Buses where they all drove space-buses. The provisional title was Blakey’s Seven lol only people of a certain age will get this. Blakes seven was cult viewing when I was at uni Big budget sci fi 50pence an episode - three for a quid The writing was very good, a bit more edgy than, say, Dr. Who at that time.
|
|
|
Post by marylandstoke on Aug 22, 2022 0:12:28 GMT
I said to my he/she/gender undefined partner yesterday. I feel like I would like a vacation This/they/them said ‘should I pack he/she/gender/nuetral/Nutella or what? So I said, I was thinking about onanistic actually Pa DUM tish 2022 style
|
|
|
Post by redstriper on Aug 22, 2022 8:13:29 GMT
I've been supplying one-size-fits-all buoyancy jackets to chester zoo to help injured mammals. They've sent the last lot back saying they worked for the dolphins but were not fit for porpoise.
|
|
|
Post by yeokel on Aug 22, 2022 9:00:37 GMT
"I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta." This, apparently, has been acclaimed as “the funniest joke“ at this years Edinburgh Fringe. BBC LinkHelp ma Boab!
|
|
|
Post by lordb on Aug 22, 2022 9:20:18 GMT
"I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta." This, apparently, has been acclaimed as “the funniest joke“ at this years Edinburgh Fringe. BBC LinkHelp ma Boab! Voted by the public same person has won before, previous joke was better
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 22, 2022 14:55:07 GMT
"I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta." This, apparently, has been acclaimed as “the funniest joke“ at this years Edinburgh Fringe. BBC LinkHelp ma Boab! Seen the top 10 and there's better gags there, this is similar to the wife didn't believe me when I said I'd made a spaghetti car, should have seen her face when I drove pasta, which works better IMO
|
|
|
Post by terryconroysmagic on Aug 22, 2022 15:04:35 GMT
That winning joke is like something out of a Christmas cracker 😯
Very lame are they afraid to have anything funny and edgy as the winning joke
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 22, 2022 18:15:14 GMT
I've just set up a display of Chinese frying pans in a hotel lobby, and the manager doesn't look very pleased.
There's gonna be foyer woks!
|
|
|
Post by marylandstoke on Aug 23, 2022 0:04:23 GMT
The wife said ‘I didn’t say she was born out of wedlock; I said she was born out of Matlock’
So I said said ‘It’s even worse then? She from Derbyshire’
|
|
|
Post by telfordstoke on Aug 23, 2022 6:31:12 GMT
After over 30 years Dr Dre has finally been promoted to Professor Professore
|
|
|
Post by shakermaker on Aug 23, 2022 17:43:55 GMT
What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's finger.
|
|
|
Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Aug 24, 2022 17:07:35 GMT
The wife said the other night " You are always on that phone, how come you never pay me any attention "
I replied " My phone is smart and actually reacts when I finger it "
|
|
|
Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Aug 24, 2022 17:10:58 GMT
A man who took an airline company to court for losing his luggage, has lost his case.
|
|
|
Post by scfcwebby on Aug 24, 2022 17:17:51 GMT
Hedgehogs...
... Why can't they just share the hedge
|
|