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Post by scfc1863 on Jun 18, 2022 11:30:19 GMT
I was recently having digestion problems, so I went to the doctor who advised me to stop eating venison and suggested I tried eating grouse or partridge.
Delighted to say it worked..... absolute game changer.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jun 19, 2022 12:07:38 GMT
How do you get to Wales in a mini.
One in the front one in the back.
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Post by alsagerstokie on Jun 19, 2022 12:13:50 GMT
I went out for tea had Pelican. Never again. It tasted OK, but when I got the bill it was massive.
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Post by Kpsje on Jun 19, 2022 15:28:04 GMT
‘oh, plus a large sausage for angela’
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Post by pretzel on Jun 19, 2022 19:11:25 GMT
The Swiss orthodontist, who pioneered the air-flow method for performing a dental scale and polish, died today aged 87.
To commemorate his achievements, his colleagues will be leaving a little plaque on the wall of the house where he lived.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jun 24, 2022 7:28:34 GMT
From my house to the pub is a 5 minute walk. From the pub to my house is a 35 minute walk…………….the difference is staggering.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jun 24, 2022 7:36:47 GMT
Hamish McTaggart, a well known painter & decorator in Fort William, has been found dead at the summit of Ben Nevis. A spokesperson for the local mountain rescue said, "sadly he had succumbed to hypothermia ………he really could have done with another coat"
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jul 4, 2022 15:54:56 GMT
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 6, 2022 12:13:34 GMT
Thanks, I've got to go to work now. 😁
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 6, 2022 12:52:47 GMT
I watched a TV documentary on marijuana last night.. it was so good that I'm going to watch all documentaries that way in future. Does it help for England Matches^^ Some of the strains I smoke,for pain and eating, slow time down dramatically… So it’s a no from me. As they are legalising mushrooms locally though, maybe that would help? Enquiring minds and all that.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jul 6, 2022 15:27:42 GMT
Grandad: son what do you want to do when you grow up? Son: when I grow up grandad I want to be a sailor in the Royal Navy. Grandad: you’ll have to make your mind up son…..you can’t do both.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jul 6, 2022 15:31:10 GMT
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Post by pretzel on Jul 6, 2022 19:27:07 GMT
When I was a kid I used to love making sandcastles with my Grandma
That was before my parents glued the urn shut
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jul 18, 2022 14:31:43 GMT
I said to the girl in B&Q "What's best for greasy ovens",
She said "ammonia cleaner", I said " sorry I thought you worked here"
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jul 20, 2022 8:52:31 GMT
Checking out at Plymouth ASDA the Janner checkout girl asked me in that janner drawl …"do you want any sax sir". "No thanks but if you have some bags that would help".
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Post by Kpsje on Jul 22, 2022 18:42:50 GMT
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Post by pretzel on Jul 22, 2022 18:57:48 GMT
A weasel walks in to a bar
"I've never served a weasel before" said the barman, "What can I get for you?"
"Pop", goes the weasel.
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Post by scfc1863 on Jul 22, 2022 21:08:59 GMT
A bit of a mystery, over the last four nights somebody has been tipping soil over my allotment ...... the plot thickens.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 23, 2022 10:44:51 GMT
Wife: "look at that drunk guy" Husband: "who is he" Wife: "ten years ago he proposed and I rejected him" Husband: "good grief he's still celebrating!".
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 23, 2022 12:16:01 GMT
The prosecution asked what state was I in at the time.
I said ‘I was as drunk as a judge’
The judge said ‘The phrase is as drunk as a Lord’
I said ‘I do apologise your Lordship’
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jul 25, 2022 17:14:40 GMT
I've just bought a house with old period features.
She f**king hates it when I call her that.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jul 25, 2022 17:20:53 GMT
My wife is losing patience with my premature ejaculation problem...
At first she took it on the chin, but now it gets on her tits!
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Post by pretzel on Aug 5, 2022 20:35:39 GMT
Why do Norwegian battleships have big barcodes on their hulls?
So that when they return to port, they can scandinavian.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Aug 8, 2022 16:46:44 GMT
I went to a rough school. Our football team didn't have a grass pitch. We played on concrete.
In the first round of the two legged Inter School Cup, we played an even rougher school, who's pitch resembled a builders yard. We won 2-1 at home and 3-1 away.
So that's 5-2 on aggregate
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2022 16:55:28 GMT
I went to a rough school. Our football team didn't have a grass pitch. We played on concrete. In the first round of the two legged Inter School Cup, we played an even rougher school, who's pitch resembled a builders yard. We won 2-1 at home and 3-1 away. So that's 5-2 on aggregate What?
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Post by lordb on Aug 8, 2022 16:57:48 GMT
I went to a rough school. Our football team didn't have a grass pitch. We played on concrete. In the first round of the two legged Inter School Cup, we played an even rougher school, who's pitch resembled a builders yard. We won 2-1 at home and 3-1 away. So that's 5-2 on aggregate What? he who laughs last doesn't get the joke
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2022 17:02:45 GMT
he who laughs last doesn't get the joke Not the first time on this thread 😁. That one is totally lost on me
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Post by felonious on Aug 8, 2022 18:09:06 GMT
he who laughs last doesn't get the joke Not the first time on this thread 😁. That one is totally lost on me Aggregate. a material or structure formed from a mass of fragments or particles loosely compacted together. "the specimen is an aggregate of rock and mineral fragments"
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2022 18:15:56 GMT
Not the first time on this thread 😁. That one is totally lost on me Aggregate. a material or structure formed from a mass of fragments or particles loosely compacted together. "the specimen is an aggregate of rock and mineral fragments" 👍. Never heard that team before for it. I guess it helps to know that
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Post by scfc1863 on Aug 10, 2022 21:03:19 GMT
My wife had a ‘special’ birthday recently and for a few weeks she’d been leaving several jewellery brochures discreetly opened in various rooms around the house, obviously I took the hint, and with no expense spared I bought her a bespoke, hand crafted, top of the range, magazine rack….. back of the net!
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