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Post by danceswithclams on Jan 28, 2022 16:53:22 GMT
My experiments in the field of cloning have finally paid off.
I'm so excited, I'm beside myself.
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Post by deeside2 on Jan 28, 2022 17:17:14 GMT
What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog ?
After six months the dog is still excited when you come home.
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Post by deeside2 on Jan 28, 2022 17:21:23 GMT
I own a copy of the world's worst Thesaurus - not only is it awful, it's awful.
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Post by pretzel on Jan 28, 2022 22:22:09 GMT
What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog ? After six months the dog is still excited when you come home. What's the difference between a new wife and a new job? After six months your job will still suck. |
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jan 29, 2022 16:55:12 GMT
After six kids, Mary feels a little loose "down there" and decides to treat herself to some cosmetic surgery to tidy up. When she comes to from the anaesthetic after the procedure, she finds two bouquets of flowers in her room. The nurse tells her that the first is "from your loving husband, who's looking forward to you coming home." Mary asks about the second bouquet. "That's from Gerald in the burns unit," the nurse says. "He's thrilled with his new ears."
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Post by danceswithclams on Feb 4, 2022 12:10:11 GMT
I’ve started a dating app for chickens.
It’s not my main job though, just to makes hens meet.
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Post by lordb on Feb 4, 2022 12:51:42 GMT
I’ve started a dating app for chickens. It’s not my main job though, just to makes hens meet. booooooooooooo |
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Post by andystokey on Feb 4, 2022 13:54:53 GMT
Four blokes in a pub one heads off to the bogs and the remaining three start chatting about their kids.
First bloke, my son has done brilliantly worked his way up from the bottom to be head of a car dealership, he made so much money last year he gave his a friend a brand new Merc.
Second fella says my son started as brickie and ended up running a huge building firm gave his mate a massive mansion in Surrey.
Third bloke says my son flew in the RAF became a commercial pilot and ended up running the company and gave his mate a Lear jet.
Last bloke comes back from the bogs to see the smug bastards high fiving each other and asks what's going on
"We were just talking about how our sons have done and how we are so proud of them. Tell us about your lad.
Well he's gay and makes a bit of money on the side stripping and goodness knows what else.
How disappointing the others say.
"Well not really he says just last week he got a car, a house and a private plane off three of his punters.
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Post by unknown182 on Feb 4, 2022 14:46:03 GMT
Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Feb 8, 2022 19:43:06 GMT
you know when you are sitting on the loo, then realise there's no toilet roll, so you have to do that silly trousers down waddle walk to go and get a new one?
Well I'm, nearly at Tescos
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 8, 2022 22:15:02 GMT
Doctor, I've become really afraid of giants.
Yes? You probably have FeeFiePhobia.
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828492
Youth Player
Posts: 478
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Post by 828492 on Feb 9, 2022 9:50:04 GMT
Pooh and Piglet were having a chat.
‘What is the strangest thing that has happened to you, Piglet,’ asked Pooh.
‘The strangest thing that has happened to me, Pooh, was when I worked at the United Nations and I was asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. ‘Kofi,’ I said, ‘right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic’’.
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 9, 2022 13:17:39 GMT
Pooh and Piglet were having a chat. ‘What is the strangest thing that has happened to you, Piglet,’ asked Pooh. ‘The strangest thing that has happened to me, Pooh, was when I worked at the United Nations and I was asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. ‘Kofi,’ I said, ‘right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic’’. Brilliant |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 14:23:41 GMT
Pooh and Piglet were having a chat. ‘What is the strangest thing that has happened to you, Piglet,’ asked Pooh. ‘The strangest thing that has happened to me, Pooh, was when I worked at the United Nations and I was asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. ‘Kofi,’ I said, ‘right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic’’. What? 🤷 |
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Post by flea79 on Feb 9, 2022 15:34:59 GMT
Pooh and Piglet were having a chat. ‘What is the strangest thing that has happened to you, Piglet,’ asked Pooh. ‘The strangest thing that has happened to me, Pooh, was when I worked at the United Nations and I was asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. ‘Kofi,’ I said, ‘right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic’’. What? 🤷 took me a few seconds and a couple of reads its very good |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 15:41:25 GMT
took me a few seconds and a couple of reads its very good Jaysus, the more I read it the less I understand what I'm trying to work out 😄 |
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 9, 2022 16:36:57 GMT
took me a few seconds and a couple of reads its very good Jaysus, the more I read it the less I understand what I'm trying to work out 😄 A play on the name Kofi Annan and a gram of cocaine. Reads Kofi Ann anagram of cocaine hence oceanic. Got it now? |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 16:51:15 GMT
Jaysus, the more I read it the less I understand what I'm trying to work out 😄 A play on the name Kofi Annan and a gram of cocaine. Reads Kofi Ann anagram of cocaine hence oceanic. Got it now? I think so 👍😄. What has Winnie the Pooh gotta do with it? |
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Post by foster on Feb 9, 2022 17:05:38 GMT
A play on the name Kofi Annan and a gram of cocaine. Reads Kofi Ann anagram of cocaine hence oceanic. Got it now? I think so 👍😄. What has Winnie the Pooh gotta do with it? Nothing... but jokes like that are far too intellectual and have no place being on this board. |
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Post by backintheday on Feb 9, 2022 17:18:35 GMT
Pooh and Piglet were having a chat. ‘What is the strangest thing that has happened to you, Piglet,’ asked Pooh. ‘The strangest thing that has happened to me, Pooh, was when I worked at the United Nations and I was asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. ‘Kofi,’ I said, ‘right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic’’. Brilliant outstanding |
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Post by farnborostokie63 on Feb 9, 2022 17:41:19 GMT
Ha Ha I've just got it very good |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 18:31:05 GMT
I think so 👍😄. What has Winnie the Pooh gotta do with it? Nothing... but jokes like that are far too intellectual and have no place being on this board. I agree. What kind of trickery is this? Bring back a good old fart or milkman joke not this kind of stuff. |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 9, 2022 18:31:45 GMT
Nothing... but jokes like that are far too intellectual and have no place being on this board. I agree. What kind of trickery is this? Bring back a good old fart or milkman joke not this kind of stuff. Possibly the best joke on the thread |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 18:41:08 GMT
I agree. What kind of trickery is this? Bring back a good old fart or milkman joke not this kind of stuff. Possibly the best joke on the thread Don't pretend you got it Badgo. Just because you were on Bullseye or Ask The Family or something . Sad thing is I found a page explaining it. |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 9, 2022 18:45:10 GMT
Possibly the best joke on the thread Don't pretend you got it Badgo. Just because you were on Bullseye or Ask The Family or something . Sad thing is I found a page explaining it. It’s weird there’s been a few on here that took me ages but I got that one straight away, that’s probably why I like it so much😉. Watched Bullseye the other night, the contestants really were the most emotionless, introverted, bores I’ve ever seen on a game show. When JB tries to coax an amusing story out of them is the biggest tumbleweed ever! |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 18:47:21 GMT
Don't pretend you got it Badgo. Just because you were on Bullseye or Ask The Family or something . Sad thing is I found a page explaining it. It’s weird there’s been a few on here that took me ages but I got that one straight away, that’s probably why I like it so much😉. Watched Bullseye the other night, the contestants really were the most emotionless, introverted, bores I’ve ever seen on a game show. When JB tries to coax an amusing story out of them is the biggest tumbleweed ever! To be fair would you be excited if you won a Bendy Bully, bus fare home and a canteen of cutlery? |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 9, 2022 18:48:30 GMT
It’s weird there’s been a few on here that took me ages but I got that one straight away, that’s probably why I like it so much😉. Watched Bullseye the other night, the contestants really were the most emotionless, introverted, bores I’ve ever seen on a game show. When JB tries to coax an amusing story out of them is the biggest tumbleweed ever! To be fair would you be excited if you won a Bendy Bully, bus fare home and a canteen of cutlery? I would if I won a speedboat to take on Trentham Lake like the owd days😉 |
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 9, 2022 18:53:49 GMT
To be fair would you be excited if you won a Bendy Bully, bus fare home and a canteen of cutlery? I would if I won a speedboat to take on Trentham Lake like the owd days😉 I would love a speedboat....If I won a caravan though would ask for another bendy Bully instead |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 9, 2022 19:04:55 GMT
I would if I won a speedboat to take on Trentham Lake like the owd days😉 I would love a speedboat....If I won a caravan though would ask for another bendy Bully instead Haha same |
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Post by foster on Feb 9, 2022 19:34:04 GMT
I agree. What kind of trickery is this? Bring back a good old fart or milkman joke not this kind of stuff. Possibly the best joke on the thread You like any joke that's got pooh in it don't you mate  |
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