Post by DeesideStokie on Dec 27, 2019 17:22:37 GMT
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, open your eyes, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well if there are millions of stars, and even a few of those have planets, It's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said "Watson, you idiot, It means someone stole our tent"
A woman goes to her doctor for the results of the tests she had done. The doctor said "there is no easy way of telling you this but I have 2 bits of bad news" the woman replies "just tell me straight doc, what is it?"
"well unfortunately the test has shown that you have got cancer, I'm so sorry"
"oh my god" she replied "what is the second thing?"
"we have also discovered that you have alzheimers" sympathised the doctor
"thank fuck for that" she said "i thought you were going to tell me I had cancer"
“Elvis Presley’s death deprives our country of a part of itself. He was unique, irreplaceable.He burst upon the scene with an impact that was unprecedented and will probably never be equalled. His music and his personality, fusing the styles of white country and black rhythm and blues, permanently changed the face of American popular culture. His following was immense. And he was a symbol to people the world over of the vitality, rebelliousness and good humour of this country.”President Carter
Four business men are sitting in a maternity hospital waiting room. The nurse comes in and says "Congratulations! Your wife's had a boy". No 1 says "Great, and I'm the owner of Plus One Retail" She appears again and says "Congratulations! Your wife's had twins". No 2 says "Fantastic. And I run Two Rivers Theme Park." The nurse is back a third time "Congratulations! Your wife's had triplets" No 3 says "Brilliant, and I run Three Counties Agricultural Supplies." When she returns again one man is sat sobbing into his hands. "What's the matter?" Enquires the nurse. "I work for Seven Up." Sobs the man.
Two guys get lost in the Sahara dessert and are both close to starvation.
Whilst crawling across the dunes they see a Nomad settlement in the distance.
Being Christians, they're both a little fearful, but are so desperate for food that they decide to approach the Nomads and take their chances.
When they make it there the tribe gathers around them both and the head Nomad asks them what religion they are. The first man answers truthfully, 'I'm a Christian' he says, with a little tremble in his voice. The other man, seeing how afraid his friend is, suddenly decides to lie and tells the Nomads 'I'm a Muslim, Praise be to Allah!'.
The Nomad leader then reaches for a mug of water and a plate of food. He gives it to the first man who claimed to be Christian. He then turns away from the man who claimed to be Muslim and proceeds to make his way back to his tent.
In shock at what just happened, the man who lied about being Muslim desperately calls out 'Hey, what about me? I'm a fellow Muslim like you and I need food too!'.
To which the Nomad leader turns to him and says.. 'Sorry mate, it's Ramadan'.