hours to type this with my one finger, I thought I'd post this on here as well as the Oatcake.
NEW INSIGHTS INTO RIVALS BUSINESS PLANLong, but worth it ... (in my opinion!)
Picture this ...... A boardroom in London ..... A bunch of suits sitting round a table at Rivals HQ engaged in intense discussion..........
CEO- (thumping the table and raising his voice)"OK everyone, you'd better have this server problem sorted"
CIO - "Well we've done an analysis and have come up with a corrective action plan, but wanted to get your approval first"
CEO - (angrily)"I told you .... whatever it takes do it!"
CIO - (nervously)"I really think you should hear the details first"
CEO - "OK,OK ... get on with it! We're losing customers every minute"
CIO - "Well actually that's just it. Our data shows that most of these fans are very impatient and press refresh every 2 or 3 seconds thinking this will speed up the loading of the page. This happens 3.48 times per page request."
CEO - (glaring at CIO)"Yes I know, I've done it myself while checking the ManUre site. It's a pain! We have to get this fixed immediately or someone's head will roll!"
CIO - (triumphantly)"Well every time they press refresh the counter logs another hit on the site."
CEO - (impatiently)"And?"
CIO - (hurriedly)"Therefore the average hits per visitor has risen 348%. Our advertising revenue is through the roof."
(a few moments of stunned silence)
CEO - (starts excitedly and trails off into musing)"HEY! I didn't think of that .... hmmmmm"
CFO - (trying to get some credit)"It's true boss. based on our gradiated view incentive agreements, advertising revenue is up 412%"
CEO - (ignoring both the others)"hmmmm.... What if ........."
CIO - (interjecting excitedly)"Exactly, we've had these new servers for 4 weeks now, but wanted to see if we can prolong this period of artificially increased activity for as long as possible without eroding the customer base."
CEO - (thumping his fist on the table and raising his voice)"Erosion nothing! Hold off on the implementation of the servers as long as revenues remain higher than 10% above forecast."
CFO - (throws up his hand exasperated after dealing with numerous complaints)"But boss we can't do that!! We will be losing a significant number of users!! The Oatcake users have been complaining vociferously"
CEO - (dismissively)"Ah, don't worry about it. These footbal fans are daft twits. They'll put up with anything, take that Stoke crowd as an example ... look at what they've put up with for club owners over the years ..... As soon as things improve our customers will come running back.......... they always do."
CIO - (rubbing his hands)"So we're agreed - hold off on server implementation for the forseeable future?"
CFO - (trying to emerge with credit for the decision)"This should mean a nice increase in our annual profit share!"
CEO - (waving the other two away and calling his secretary) " Ms. Toogood draft a statement for posting on every rivals site saying that we are aggressively pursuing resolving the server problem and that in the meantime to try help speed things up, All users should press refresh repeatedly if your page hasn't loaded in 1.5 seconds."
an original play by Shake-that-thing
