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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Apr 28, 2010 8:54:47 GMT
After the 7-0 thrashing by Chelsea Tony Pulis thought that it would be a good idea to go down to Chelsea's Cobham training ground and ask Carlo Ancelotti what his secret to success is.
"Carlos" TP says " How did you manage to hammer us like that, how have you got your players reflexes so sharp?"
" Well Tony" replies the Chelsea manager in an Italian drawl " I like to train them mentally as well as physically. I keep them on their toes by asking though questions that make them think deeply. this keeps them mentally sharp. Watch this!"
He shouts over disgraced captain and serial philanderer John Terry.
" John " He says " he is not your brother , but still he is your fathers son. Who is ?"
" Thats as easy as shagging Bridges Mrs, Boss" JT says " The answer is me"
Ancelotti pats him on the back and send him on his way.
Tony thinks I'll have a bit of that so the next day during training at the Mitch Pulis shouts over his center forward James Beattie.
"Beatts Ive got a little brain teaser for you "
"Fire away boss"
" Right Jimmy" Says Tone " He is not your brother , but still he is your fathers son. Who is he?"
Beattie puffs out his cheeks ,runs his fingers through his hair and thinks long and hard. " Thats a thoughie boss can I have time to consider this one?" he says " Its a bit early in the day for teaser like this."
Pulis gives him until the end of training to come up with the answer.
James craftily calls skipper Ryan Shawcross to one side and puts the question to him " He's not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?"
Ryan without any hesitation, " thats obvious. Its me!"
At the end of the work out Tony shouts Beattie over to him " Well have you managed to work it out yet?"
" Yes " James says full of confidence " The answer is Ryan Shawcross!"
Pulis throws his arms up in frustration " No, no , no you thick cunt " he shouts " The right answer is John Terrry"
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Post by Pugsley on Apr 28, 2010 8:56:53 GMT
Quality.
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Post by Cyprusdelilah on Apr 28, 2010 9:00:19 GMT
;D ;D ;D
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Post by alster on Apr 28, 2010 9:00:56 GMT
Brilliant.
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Post by stokie25 on Apr 28, 2010 9:07:27 GMT
;D ;D
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Post by RINGO STARR on Apr 28, 2010 9:30:15 GMT
I'll give you that one.
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Post by shoey100 on Apr 28, 2010 10:21:36 GMT
Heard many a different version of that joke over the years but its still a classic ;D
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Post by FullerMagic on Apr 28, 2010 10:25:37 GMT
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Silvio
Youth Player
Posts: 461
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Post by Silvio on Apr 28, 2010 10:32:06 GMT
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Post by ihaveadream on Apr 28, 2010 12:18:49 GMT
After the 7-0 thrashing by Chelsea Tony Pulis thought that it would be a good idea to go down to Chelsea's Cobham training ground and ask Carlo Ancelotti what his secret to success is. "Carlos" TP says " How did you manage to hammer us like that, how have you got your players reflexes so sharp?" " Well Tony" replies the Chelsea manager in an Italian drawl " I like to train them mentally as well as physically. I keep them on their toes by asking though questions that make them think deeply. this keeps them mentally sharp. Watch this!" He shouts over disgraced captain and serial philanderer John Terry. " John " He says " he is not your brother , but still he is your fathers son. Who is ?" " Thats as easy as shagging Bridges Mrs, Boss" JT says " The answer is me" Ancelotti pats him on the back and send him on his way. Tony thinks I'll have a bit of that so the next day during training at the Mitch Pulis shouts over his center forward James Beattie. "Beatts Ive got a little brain teaser for you " "Fire away boss" " Right Jimmy" Says Tone " He is not your brother , but still he is your fathers son. Who is he?" Beattie puffs out his cheeks ,runs his fingers through his hair and thinks long and hard. " Thats a thoughie boss can I have time to consider this one?" he says " Its a bit early in the day for teaser like this." Pulis gives him until the end of training to come up with the answer. James craftily calls skipper Ryan Shawcross to one side and puts the question to him " He's not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?" Ryan without any hesitation, " thats obvious. Its me!" At the end of the work out Tony shouts Beattie over to him " Well have you managed to work it out yet?" " Yes " James says full of confidence " The answer is Ryan Shawcross!" Pulis throws his arms up in frustration " No, no , no you thick cunt " he shouts " The right answer is John Terrry" ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by wembley4372 on Apr 28, 2010 12:23:24 GMT
It might not be the best but it's certainly a contender for the oldest!
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Apr 28, 2010 14:50:35 GMT
The old ones are the best. Wembely let's see a better from you then
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Post by grayscfc on Apr 28, 2010 15:00:14 GMT
it`s great joke until the punchline which is shit.
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Post by ti on Apr 28, 2010 15:06:20 GMT
;D
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Apr 29, 2010 17:17:52 GMT
Ive just bought it back to the top just in case anyone missed it. And it took me ages to type.
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Post by goatbulgaria on Apr 29, 2010 17:24:41 GMT
good ;D. youve re written it well  |
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Apr 29, 2010 17:27:11 GMT
You should print it off and use it in your speech
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Post by sovietonion on Apr 29, 2010 17:33:52 GMT
How's this one...
There's a house blazing away in Dublin and there's a woman holding a baby and screaming from an upstairs window.
Shay Given walks past and says 'Throw down the baby.'
She shouts 'No, he'll be killed!'
Given shouts 'Missus, I'm the National Goalkeeper of this country and a Premier League superstar. He'll be fine'
Eventually she throws down the child, which is then cuaght in a freak gust of wind. The child is blown several yards away but Given takes off like a Siamese cat and snatches the baby out of the air before he hits the pavement.
A big crowd has appeared and they roar their approval as Given holds the child.
'Oh my Lord' shouts the woman 'How can I ever thank you?'
'No need to thank me missus' smiles Given 'All part of the service.'
He then bounces the baby twice and punts it 45 yards down the street.
;D ;D ;D
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Post by Mr Wheeze on Apr 29, 2010 17:43:48 GMT
 Hmmm! A likely story! He's fucked his shoulder so hes hardly likely to be catching babies is he???? ;D
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Apr 29, 2010 18:22:45 GMT
Most keepers now roll it out side of the box before they kick off the ground
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Jul 7, 2010 8:58:14 GMT
I still think this is a great joke even though I do say so my self  |
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Jul 7, 2010 9:37:20 GMT
;D ;D
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Post by basingstokie on Jul 7, 2010 11:54:00 GMT
How's this one... There's a house blazing away in Dublin and there's a woman holding a baby and screaming from an upstairs window. Shay Given walks past and says 'Throw down the baby.' She shouts 'No, he'll be killed!' Given shouts 'Missus, I'm the National Goalkeeper of this country and a Premier League superstar. He'll be fine' Eventually she throws down the child, which is then cuaght in a freak gust of wind. The child is blown several yards away but Given takes off like a Siamese cat and snatches the baby out of the air before he hits the pavement. A big crowd has appeared and they roar their approval as Given holds the child. 'Oh my Lord' shouts the woman 'How can I ever thank you?' 'No need to thank me missus' smiles Given 'All part of the service.' He then bounces the baby twice and punts it 45 yards down the street. ;D ;D ;D Brilliant |
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Post by Ron Jeremy on Jul 7, 2010 11:56:49 GMT
;D ;D
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Post by Dr Oetcake on Jul 7, 2010 12:10:32 GMT
If it had been Rob Green, he would have dropped the baby back into the burning house, daft cunt.
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Post by wigginbird on Jul 7, 2010 19:30:04 GMT
Not really
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Post by mitchstokie on Jul 7, 2010 19:42:36 GMT
what about this for a joke then....... HESKEY ! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by onlyonesirstan on Jul 7, 2010 20:03:43 GMT
what about this for a joke then....... HESKEY ! ;D ;D ;D Add Mama as well, and it would be brilliant  |
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Post by Malex on Jul 8, 2010 7:30:05 GMT
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when West Brom win the premier league."
"You crafty buggar!" said the fairy.
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Post by Irish Stokie on Jul 8, 2010 7:32:45 GMT
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that." "Fine," I said, "I want to die when West Brom win the premier league." "You crafty buggar!" said the fairy. Now theres a decent joke |
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