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Post by Bojan Mackey on Apr 2, 2019 21:18:34 GMT
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
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Post by murphthesurf on Apr 2, 2019 21:22:06 GMT
Couple at a dinner dance doing a very fast quickstep.... After 2 minutes the chap says "Can we dance this going the other way a bit?" His missus says "But everyone's going round the dancefloor clockwise - we'd look out of place." He says "Well all right, then, but all these fast spin turns you're so bloody keen on are unscrewin' me wooden leg...."
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Apr 3, 2019 17:29:41 GMT
What do the mob and pussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Apr 3, 2019 17:49:00 GMT
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front. --------------
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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Post by harveyworld on Apr 4, 2019 3:54:44 GMT
How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Push them down a hill
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Post by harveyworld on Apr 4, 2019 3:56:33 GMT
What do you call an Indian lady with her legs wide open in front of a fire?
Singeit
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Post by harveyworld on Apr 4, 2019 3:59:49 GMT
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A Tyrannosaur-arse
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Post by harveyworld on Apr 4, 2019 4:00:06 GMT
...I'll get me coat...
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Post by mattador78 on Apr 4, 2019 6:22:43 GMT
Why did the sperm cross the road.
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
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Post by mattador78 on Apr 4, 2019 6:24:04 GMT
Good news though on the work front for me though. My boss has just appointed me as his sexual adviser. He said, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.
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Post by Mendicant on Apr 4, 2019 16:55:34 GMT
What's the difference between a bad hitman and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit and the other can hoot but can't shit.
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Post by Bojan Mackey on Apr 4, 2019 18:03:39 GMT
How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
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Post by scfcwebby on Apr 4, 2019 18:50:24 GMT
How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.
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Post by thevoid on Apr 7, 2019 17:41:11 GMT
I might apply for a job at NASA.
I mean, it's not rocket science is it?
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Post by pretzel on Apr 7, 2019 20:13:39 GMT
I think my mate from Greater Manchester might be a transvestite.
I've just heard he's got a Wigan address.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2019 20:50:19 GMT
What do you call a man with a raincoat on?
Mac.
What do you call a man with two raincoats on?
Max.
What do you call a man with two raincoats on standing in a cemetery?
Max Bygraves.
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Post by kelw on Apr 7, 2019 22:31:39 GMT
Air stewardess asks a passenger boarding a plane...'Is that roadkill you have there?'
'Yes' says the passenger 'It says one piece of carrion per person on the ticket'
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2019 22:31:39 GMT
I got invited to a tupperware party.
I couldn't contain myself.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2019 22:35:48 GMT
How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side. John Cooper-Clarke on Alzheimer’s "Three fun things you can do if you have Alzheimer's" - 1) You can hide your own Easter Eggs. 2) You get to meet new people every day. 3) You can hide your own Easter Eggs.
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