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Post by thevoid on Mar 27, 2019 11:37:51 GMT
What do you call an actor who makes his own smoothies?
Michael Fast-blender
(Feel free to add your own)
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Post by alsagerstokie on Mar 27, 2019 12:03:01 GMT
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other how do you drive this thing.
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Post by harryburrows on Mar 27, 2019 14:39:39 GMT
What's the difference between a Dog and a Fox
About 6 pints
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Post by maxplonk on Mar 27, 2019 20:52:27 GMT
Q. Where do women have dark, curly hair?
A. Africa
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Post by kelw on Mar 27, 2019 20:55:20 GMT
Why don't Elephants like Penguins?
Because they can't get the silver paper off
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Post by pearo on Mar 27, 2019 21:01:30 GMT
Why did the banana go to the doctors
Because it wasn’t peeling very well
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Post by mattador78 on Mar 27, 2019 22:06:58 GMT
I’ve just finished reading Chris Eubanks book on ethics. Really enjoyed it can’t wait for his next one about Kent
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Post by stokienorthants on Mar 28, 2019 14:40:24 GMT
Two lions eating a clown one turns to the other and says ‘Does this taste funny to you?’
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Post by farnborostokie63 on Mar 28, 2019 16:24:08 GMT
Police arrested two men, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating a firework.
They charged one and let the other one off.
Still my favourite joke
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Post by mattador78 on Mar 28, 2019 16:32:07 GMT
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
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Post by mattador78 on Mar 28, 2019 16:32:55 GMT
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She hugged me.
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Post by Goonie on Mar 28, 2019 16:34:42 GMT
Shit joke
Two cowboys meet in passing on a lonesome prairie
Cowboy 1
'Say partner, d'you known Mexican Joe?'
Cowboy 2
'Let me tell you a story son.
This morning I rode over yonder ridge and met a man just like I met you. The guy tells his name is Mexican Joe, pulls his gun on me and tells me to get off ma horse. So I oblige him. Next he tells me to drop ma pants. Again I oblige him. Next he tells me to do a shit which I did what with his six-shooter aimed at my balls. Then he tells me to eat it. So i did.
Well this was just about the funniest thing he ever did see and laughed so hard he dropped his gun. I picked it up, aimed at his balls and said to get off his horse which he did. Then I said drop ya pants and shit. Then I cocked the trigger and told the bastard to eat it........
You ask me if I know Mexican Joe? Why I had breakfast with him this morning'
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Post by Clayton Wood on Mar 28, 2019 16:43:45 GMT
A chicken and an egg walk into a bar. The barman says, “Who’s first?”
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Mar 28, 2019 16:45:09 GMT
A white horse goes into a bar, and orders a pint of bitter.
"Blimey," the barman says, "we sell a whisky named after you."
"What, Eric?" says the horse.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 28, 2019 18:13:53 GMT
Why can’t dyslexics tell jokes?
They always punch up the fuckline.
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Post by The man from Utch on Mar 28, 2019 18:48:50 GMT
It was open mike night at our local. A bloke walks in with no arms, plugs his guitar in, i said to him how are you going to play that then, he said by ear.
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Post by chad on Mar 28, 2019 18:55:06 GMT
It was open mike night at our local. A bloke walks in with no arms, plugs his guitar in, i said to him how are you going to play that then, he said by ear. How did he plug it in 🤔 |
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Post by The man from Utch on Mar 28, 2019 18:59:54 GMT
It was open mike night at our local. A bloke walks in with no arms, plugs his guitar in, i said to him how are you going to play that then, he said by ear. How did he plug it in 🤔 His toes.  |
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Post by yeokel on Mar 28, 2019 19:20:25 GMT
His toes. How did he get his shoes and socks off? |
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Post by The man from Utch on Mar 28, 2019 19:41:14 GMT
His toes. How did he get his shoes and socks off? He was a hippie, he walked in bare footed. |
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Post by murphthesurf on Mar 28, 2019 21:41:37 GMT
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
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Post by murphthesurf on Mar 28, 2019 21:43:29 GMT
Whaddaya call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
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Post by murphthesurf on Mar 28, 2019 21:44:53 GMT
What's wooden and sticky?
Another stick.
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Post by FbrgVaStkFan on Mar 28, 2019 21:47:11 GMT
What's wooden and sticky? Another stick. I was way off. I thought a thorny bush. |
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Post by Billybigbollox on Mar 28, 2019 23:37:44 GMT
My mate David lost his I.D
Now he’s just Dav
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Post by duckling on Mar 29, 2019 1:18:43 GMT
I’ve just finished reading Chris Eubanks book on ethics. Really enjoyed it can’t wait for his next one about Kent I've just finished Isaac Newton's book on gravity. Really enjoyed it, couldn't put it down. |
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Post by kelw on Mar 29, 2019 7:17:18 GMT
Why didn't the lifeguard save the Hippie from drowning?
He was too far out man
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Post by farnborostokie63 on Mar 29, 2019 16:11:37 GMT
2 cows in a field,
1 says moo,
the other says, buggar I was gonna say that!
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Post by henry on Mar 29, 2019 18:38:36 GMT
What do you call a time lord that stinks of shit
Dr Poo
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Post by murphthesurf on Mar 29, 2019 21:02:16 GMT
What smells of almonds and swings through the trees? Tarzipan  |
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