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Post by felonious on Oct 22, 2017 17:26:40 GMT
I've had a few recently so the rot may be setting in. This week I was rushing out for the Tuesday night run and pressed the car key fob twice in vain trying to switch off the TV
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Post by bathstoke on Oct 22, 2017 17:34:04 GMT
Reminds me of a couple of mates who went Spain & had a twin room. In the middle of the night(after an evening of San Miguel) one of them woke up to see the other one sitting at the bottom of his bed, looking at the curtains in front of the slidedoors out to the balcony. "What are you doing?" He said... He replied,"I'm waiting for the film to start!"
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 22, 2017 17:43:01 GMT
You don't need a powerful imagination to work out what an oven on gas mark six can do to a metal sugar bowl!.
Sugar in it of course for 20 minutes.
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Post by Northy on Oct 22, 2017 18:01:48 GMT
bought 2 birthday cards last week, one for my niece and one for my uncle, my uncle is now called elise
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Post by bathstoke on Oct 22, 2017 18:05:40 GMT
bought 2 birthday cards last week, one for my niece and one for my uncle, my uncle is now called elise What, So you've now got to call her aunty. Didn't he/she consider how this would impact on you!?!
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Post by felonious on Oct 22, 2017 18:18:20 GMT
bought 2 birthday cards last week, one for my niece and one for my uncle, my uncle is now called elise I thought my lad was taking the piss with last years Christmas card which read "To Dad and Dad" Still it's the thought that counts.
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Post by The Drunken Communist on Oct 22, 2017 18:23:53 GMT
I came on this thread to say summat but I'll be fucked if I can remember what it was...
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Post by potterglen on Oct 22, 2017 18:28:58 GMT
Major problem with names, I can be introduced to someone and five seconds later have no idea what their name is, so sodding embarrassing.
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Post by felonious on Oct 22, 2017 18:36:51 GMT
Major problem with names, I can be introduced to someone and five seconds later have no idea what their name is, so sodding embarrassing. I thought women never forget
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Post by potterglen on Oct 22, 2017 18:43:13 GMT
Major problem with names, I can be introduced to someone and five seconds later have no idea what their name is, so sodding embarrassing. I thought women never forget Depends on his crime felonious, sometimes he pays, and pays, and pays
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 22, 2017 18:46:46 GMT
bought 2 birthday cards last week, one for my niece and one for my uncle, my uncle is now called elise Still giggling. 😁
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Post by felonious on Oct 22, 2017 18:54:14 GMT
I thought women never forget Depends on his crime felonious, sometimes he pays, and pays, and pays Tell me about it, worse than sharia law
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Post by potterglen on Oct 23, 2017 8:47:53 GMT
Depends on his crime felonious, sometimes he pays, and pays, and pays Tell me about it, worse than sharia law
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 9:02:59 GMT
No more than 5mins ago in the butchers ....."small, black, OPS americano to take out please"
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 9:49:22 GMT
Our almost new microwave oven packed in recently so I dug out the receipt and my wife and I toddled off to Curry's to complain and get a replacement. They argued that as it was over 1 month old they would have to send it away for repair. My wife and I both stuck to our guns and argued that we wanted a replacement etc, but they said it was Curry's company policy after 1 month to send away for repair. Anyway this stand-off continued for some time until they reluctantly agreed to provide a new replacement microwave and asked for the original receipt to process the transaction. It was only at this point that my wife noticed the original receipt said TESCO at the top !! With red faces we made a subdued but hasty exit !!
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Post by auntiegeorge on Oct 23, 2017 21:06:59 GMT
Few months ago I popped into Sainsburys in Stoke to grab a couple of things. I came out walked over to the car and pressed the unlock on the remote. I grabbed the door handle but it wouldn't open. I pressed unlock again. And then again. Bewildered, I tried the passenger side door. Still no luck. So I tried the boot and again, no joy. Then I noticed my Stoke City sticker in the back window wasn't there. And the inside of my car wasn't black either. I stepped back a few paces and realised it wasn't my car. It was an identical model and I had parked two bays to the left and a Transit van had parked inbetween us.
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Post by Boothen on Oct 23, 2017 23:02:08 GMT
I lost my glasses not long back. Found 'em in the fridge.
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Post by felonious on Oct 24, 2017 4:44:16 GMT
I lost my glasses not long back. Found 'em in the fridge. Cool story bro
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Post by pearo on Oct 24, 2017 13:32:51 GMT
I’d run out of teabags one Sunday morning in the summer, as it was nice I thought I’d take the dog for a walk to the local shop to get some, thereby killing two birds with one stone. I spent £17.43 at shop and when I got home realised that I hadn’t bought any teabags
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Post by farnborostokie63 on Oct 24, 2017 14:01:11 GMT
I bought some dog food from a garden centre a few months ago only because it was on offer. When I got home I noticed a date on the side that was 3 months ago. So I went back and was having a right go at them about selling out of date dog food only to be politely told that it was the manufacture date not the best before date oops.
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Post by felonious on Oct 24, 2017 16:22:59 GMT
I wonder how many posters would be all over this thread if they hadn't forgotten their passwords?
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Post by potterinleeds on Oct 24, 2017 19:03:33 GMT
I once went shopping on the way home from work, came home to the flat where I was then living, whiled away the evening, went to bed. I woke up the next morning and my car was missing from where I normally parked it outside. I rang up the old bill, told them it had been stolen, caught the bus into work and had a thoroughly miserable day worrying about it.
The next morning at 4am I got a call from the police. They had found my car, undamaged, parked about 10 minutes walk away. It was only when I got to Morrisons' car park that I realized that was where I had left it when I had gone shopping 36 hours before. I had walked back to the flat, having completely forgotten that I parked the car at the supermarket, and then continued to blank the fact from my mind until I saw it again.
It scared the shit out of me for weeks afterwards as I thought I was going mad. Luckily the police saw the funny side.
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Post by Northy on Oct 24, 2017 19:54:31 GMT
waiting to lock the gates at the running club with a mate, one on each gate, after all the cars had gone out we shut the gates. Me - "the padlocks missing, must have fell off" we spent a minute or two looking for it using my headtorch which was in my hand, then the friend said "whats that in your hand with your headtorch" me -"the padlock"
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Post by harryburrows on Oct 24, 2017 23:11:28 GMT
Made my toast and marmalade with a mug of tea this morning went and sat down with my tea and a jar of marmalade
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Post by chrisgal on Oct 25, 2017 5:36:18 GMT
I once boiled the kettle, opened the coffee jar and put a spoon of coffee in a mug. I then emptied the water out of the kettle into the jar of coffee. I also once picked up the phone and tried to dial a number using my computer keyboard.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 6:17:33 GMT
I once........? Pulis out.
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Post by potterglen on Oct 25, 2017 16:39:59 GMT
I wonder how many posters would be all over this thread if they hadn't forgotten their passwords? Thank heaven for the Google Chrome password saver thingy - sorry, can’t remember what it’s called.
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Post by felonious on Feb 5, 2018 20:58:09 GMT
I was up at the eye clinic on Thursday last week. The consultant gave me some steroid eye cream to get rid of the remnants of a cyst that's been plaguing me for a few months, to clear up the inflammation. She told me that it would only affect the vision for 15 minutes per application which was 4 times a day. It's been taking a couple of hours to get over the film that's hanging onto my eyeball each time. I got my reading glasses on this morning to have another read of the instructions to find that I've been using an overnight lubricant eye gel
She's right the correct stuff clears within 15 minutes
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 21:40:11 GMT
My radio alarm clock died so I purchased another top of the range job to replace it (£6.49 Tesco).
I’ve got it set up and it goes off at 6am as planned. Problem is, neither me or the wife could read the instructions when we set it up as our reading glasses ( another recent acquisition) were always downstairs. We muddled our way through thinking we’d sort it properly another time but by the time I remembered to take my glasses upstairs a few days later she had forgotten where she’d put the instructions. We are now being woken at 6am every Saturday and Sunday because neither of us have any idea how to disarm the alarm at the weekend !!
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Post by cheeesfreeex on Feb 5, 2018 21:49:25 GMT
I was up at the eye clinic on Thursday last week. The consultant gave me some steroid eye cream to get rid of the remnants of a cyst that's been plaguing me for a few months, to clear up the inflammation. She told me that it would only affect the vision for 15 minutes per application which was 4 times a day. It's been taking a couple of hours to get over the film that's hanging onto my eyeball each time. I got my reading glasses on this morning to have another read of the instructions to find that I've been using an overnight lubricant eye gel
She's right the correct stuff clears within 15 minutes Massive sympathy with the eye ulcer, doing some pruning last year took a blow in the eye from a dropping branch which turned naughty. {Maybe I hadn't ate the right type of soil?} Painful, irritating, distracting... awful. The eye cream a real pain to administer but such a relief when it starts to settle. Good luck.
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