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Post by localloser on Dec 11, 2014 10:37:19 GMT
Over the past week I have received numerous phone calls from idiots purporting to work in the Windows Technical Department.
The conversations have gone like this:
"Good morning. I am calling from the Windows Technical Department" "You should not be cold calling this phone as its ex-directory and also registered with the Telephone Preference Service"
"Hello. I'm ringing from the Windows Technical Department about your computer" "I don't have a computer"
"Hello. I am calling from the Windows Technical Department about your computer" "Oh my god. You haven't got that video of me fucking that goat have you?"
"Hello. I'm ringing from the Windows Technical Department" "Do you like badgers? I luuurve badgers"
"Hello. I am ringing from the Windows Technical Department" "I'm sure you are. And I am the dalai lama"
"Hi there. I'm calling from the Windows Technical Department" "No you aren't. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF"
I have now reached the limit of my creativity in answering these dimwits. Can anyone help and suggest any suitable response the next time they call? All suggestions will be gratefully received.
Thank you
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 11:45:35 GMT
May I suggest an air horn or an extremely loud whistle as this often has the desired deterrent effect.
PS what was the goat named =)
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Post by RipRoaringPotter on Dec 11, 2014 11:53:09 GMT
I installed a virus on my Windows Operating System, so next time they called it was no longer a scam but well-timed, helpful assistance.
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Post by localloser on Dec 11, 2014 12:10:31 GMT
May I suggest an air horn or an extremely loud whistle as this often has the desired deterrent effect. PS what was the goat named =) She never said - besides it was only a casual thing
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Post by desman2 on Dec 11, 2014 17:13:24 GMT
Best thing to do if you use your landline very little. Tell them to hold on and put the phone down and leave it for a few hours. Two benefits. It stops them ringing anyone else and it wracks up their bill. Ive left it overnight before now and still heard them clicking the next morning.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 17:18:12 GMT
Say you've waiting for their call because one of your windows won't open,the one in the bathroom.You've lost the key for the lock.Can they send someone out with a crow bar
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Post by chigstoke on Dec 11, 2014 17:56:19 GMT
I think the 'FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF' is fine
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Post by Billybigbollox on Dec 11, 2014 19:07:03 GMT
I installed a virus on my Windows Operating System, so next time they called it was no longer a scam but well-timed, helpful assistance. Ha ha that'll show the fuckers.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 19:30:34 GMT
Since I signed up with TPS, all I now get are calls from +0033388876789333333 and the like which are pre-recorded messages that:
Advise me that I've been in an accident
Tell me my insulation is shit
Tell me that my loan had PPI on it
Or they're doing a survey, press1,2 etc
I don't even get chance to string em along anymore :-(
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Post by localloser on Dec 11, 2014 21:19:20 GMT
I think the 'FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF' is fine Sadly, it wasn't. They rang again today so I said "Oh, How kind. Are you from PC World? How did you know my computer was broken?" Wasted on them. However, as correspondents have suggested, I like the broken window scenario and I have bought a VERY loud whistle. If that doesn't work I will leave them hanging on for a while. Thank you all!
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Post by chigstoke on Dec 11, 2014 21:40:06 GMT
I think the 'FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF' is fine Sadly, it wasn't. They rang again today so I said "Oh, How kind. Are you from PC World? How did you know my computer was broken?" Wasted on them. However, as correspondents have suggested, I like the broken window scenario and I have bought a VERY loud whistle. If that doesn't work I will leave them hanging on for a while. Thank you all! They won't give up, and that's the annoying part. They go through everyone on their database until find someone who would definitely fall for it. You could call your service provider and ask them to look into it. Good luck with the whistle
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Post by localloser on Dec 11, 2014 22:03:31 GMT
I think they must be on piecework. If they make 500 calls they make a fiver or something. I think they don't give a shit about the crap that losers like me throw at them. At one level I feel sorry for the poor bastards. But at my level they piss me right off.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Dec 12, 2014 18:30:08 GMT
When they ask "how are you today?" Go into a five minute pre written tirade about your ailments and his nobody understands and your GP is useless etc etc dunner lET them get a word in edge ways.
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Post by Northy on Dec 12, 2014 18:36:06 GMT
Some bastards called me at 2.45 this morning from a withheld number, phone is in the spare room so I didn't get to it in time to find out which tossing PPI or accident solicitor group it was so I could plot a revenge. The calls piss me off, I am on the TPS but it doesn't seem to stop them. I've done the 'war office, do you want a fight' answer, I like the air horn, not sure my lad who works nights would appreciate it though
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2014 21:36:39 GMT
I've had this I play dumb and play along then when they have been on the phone for half an hour I say hang on somebody at the door, make a brew then come back to them and repeat.
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Post by localloser on Dec 13, 2014 14:17:18 GMT
Thanks for the ideas chaps. It's gone quiet for a couple of days now - but my very loud whistle is to hand right by the phone!
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Post by kidsgroveboxxy on Dec 14, 2014 0:52:07 GMT
"I'm calling about the accident someone had in your household"
"This is the city morgue marra, a lot of these have been in accidents, which Doe do you want to speak to?"
They soon hang up.
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Post by localloser on Dec 20, 2014 16:38:06 GMT
Just an update. Had a few more calls - they really are VERY stupid. Did the "Hang on a minute" routine as suggested by Desman, but they cottoned on to this and rang off within 5 minutes. They rang again yesterday so I gave them a blast of the whistle. Fair play to the bloke, he said "Wow, that was loud. Can you do it again". So I did it again, and he just said "Merry Christmas". Its fucking mental. I bet they joke among themselves about the responses they get from us Brits. All those calls from India must cost a fortune, so the gullible ones must hand over a fair bit of dosh to make it worth their while. Hey ho.
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Post by tazi on Dec 20, 2014 17:07:23 GMT
Tell e'm get home quick to see your Mrs sucking a real cock.
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Post by localloser on Dec 20, 2014 17:31:18 GMT
Some of them ARE women
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Post by tazi on Dec 20, 2014 17:53:20 GMT
Well, I'd imagine it'd be a good idea not to say that then.
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Post by davel on Dec 20, 2014 18:30:24 GMT
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Post by localloser on Dec 20, 2014 18:54:28 GMT
Do you know what? I bought one of these for my mother-in-law who is in her eighties and was plagued by useless calls. Forgot they worked for international calls too. What about kosher international calls that you want to receive as I have family members and friends abroad?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2014 19:04:36 GMT
Play along. I have a Mac and that is always good for 10 minutes or so while they work out that there is no CTRL ALT DEL combination.
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Post by pretzel on Dec 20, 2014 20:26:09 GMT
This is my favourite ever response to a cold caller
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Post by harryburrows on Dec 20, 2014 20:56:20 GMT
I used to get lots of calls from a company selling equipment for my business sometimes 2 calls a day , after begging them to stop calling , they ignored this and kept it up for about a year . So I finally made an appointment for their sales rep to call , I then kept him waiting for an hour and told him if they kept wasting my time everyday I would do the same too them . The calls stopped immediately
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Post by davel on Dec 20, 2014 22:01:18 GMT
Do you know what? I bought one of these for my mother-in-law who is in her eighties and was plagued by useless calls. Forgot they worked for international calls too. What about kosher international calls that you want to receive as I have family members and friends abroad? No this one just bars all international calls.
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Post by localloser on Dec 21, 2014 16:47:15 GMT
Do you know what? I bought one of these for my mother-in-law who is in her eighties and was plagued by useless calls. Forgot they worked for international calls too. What about kosher international calls that you want to receive as I have family members and friends abroad? No this one just bars all international calls. Ah. No good for me then. But thanks for trying....
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