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Post by scfcrmagic on Aug 20, 2010 7:30:19 GMT
Post your problems here ...be they DIY, cookery, gardening, or relationship or lack of it in Rhodsey's case, And expect a reply that will be dripping in sarcasm at the very least and won't help you in the slightest. The plus side is you will cheer us up no end as we laugh at your problems !!!  |
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Post by french toast on Aug 20, 2010 8:44:28 GMT
I've got a problem, but would like to remain anonymous. only last night my ex fiance came on a certain message board giving me abuse about my walnut whip and my gruntleing. I'm upset at this whole incident and because of this I really got out of breath from typing so quickly, please help with my embarrasment and lack of fitness, I have not caught my breath yet. thanx
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Post by santy on Aug 20, 2010 10:06:18 GMT
If you walk up the gentle slope from lidl 4 times a day it will help you to slowly regain your fitness. You should leave at least 2 hours between each attempt to avoid the chance of any perspiration, as we all know if so much as 1 bead of sweat hits your top your competition won washing powder won't clean it out.
I have my own problem though, last night I found out I was a mother, but my son won't respect my wishes nor will he listen to me. Admittedly its been almost 40 years and I only just found out he exists, and I don't love him like a mother should - how do I get him to be a loving son?
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Post by spanglepants on Aug 20, 2010 10:09:01 GMT
Ex-fiance?
;D ;D ;D
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Post by st2potter on Aug 20, 2010 10:16:53 GMT
I've got a problem, but would like to remain anonymous. only last night my ex fiance came on a certain message board giving me abuse about my walnut whip and my gruntleing. I'm upset at this whole incident and because of this I really got out of breath from typing so quickly, please help with my embarrasment and lack of fitness, I have not caught my breath yet. thanx Fook it, stick "Babe station" on and get the sen a curry ;D |
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Post by neoisd1 on Aug 20, 2010 11:27:47 GMT
An ex girlfriend, who I was fucking nuts for, has suddenly popped up and sent me a friends request on Facebook saying "Boo! Remember me?".
Do I accept or ignore ???
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Post by edinburghstokie on Aug 20, 2010 11:38:28 GMT
An ex girlfriend, who I was fucking nuts for, has suddenly popped up and sent me a friends request on Facebook saying "Boo! Remember me?". Do I accept or ignore ??? Accept - meet up, bonk, then post all details on here. See if the advice was good or not. |
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Post by Orbs on Aug 20, 2010 12:00:29 GMT
An ex girlfriend, who I was fucking nuts for, has suddenly popped up and sent me a friends request on Facebook saying "Boo! Remember me?". Do I accept or ignore ??? Accept - meet up, bonk, then post all details on here. See if the advice was good or not. I concur with SiG - but you also need to take photos* and post them too *obviously of her and not you. |
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Post by neoisd1 on Aug 20, 2010 12:12:28 GMT
Accept - meet up, bonk, then post all details on here. See if the advice was good or not. I concur with SiG - but you also need to take photos* and post them too *obviously of her and not you. Rate, taken the advice, however right or wrong, and accepted the friend request Now, do I send a message or just wait for her to come online ??? ;D |
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Post by sirpineapple89 on Aug 20, 2010 12:29:58 GMT
If I don't have a washing machine, no running water, no bin and no windows - how do I catch on owl?
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Post by Orbs on Aug 20, 2010 12:35:43 GMT
I concur with SiG - but you also need to take photos* and post them too *obviously of her and not you. Rate, taken the advice, however right or wrong, and accepted the friend request Now, do I send a message or just wait for her to come online ??? ;D Wait............................wait - dunner go chasin' at this point. |
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Post by santy on Aug 20, 2010 12:35:44 GMT
A dead mouse, tie it to your penis and lay down on the floor in an area of dense trees. Cover yourself up with some leaves don't want the owl to get suspicious, as it comes down to get the mouse it will tug on the nouse around your cock and get you aroused, as it struggles trying to get its dinner it will cause you shoot your man jelly, as this is about to happen jump up to startle the owl and aim at its face. The owl will be disoritentated and it will be too sticky to fly away meaning you now have the owl where you want it.
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Post by mermaidsal on Aug 20, 2010 12:38:08 GMT
Dear Auntie Wend, I'm trying to moderate a message board which is normally sweet and quiet with nobody ever swearing or talking at great length about their genitalia and bottoms.... but lately serial attention-seekers keep taking it over, what can I do about this and please don't advise crochet or mass poisoning as I've tried those already?
xxx
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Post by ihaveadream on Aug 20, 2010 12:38:31 GMT
Dear Agony Aunties and Uncles,
My name is Peter and I have been a very naughty boy. Although I am a very very very big boy I am still a bit of a scaredy cat about going to visit the bearpit tomorrow.
How do I cope with having the piss taken out of me for 90 minutes plus stoppage time.
Yours shittingmyselfley
Mr Robot
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Post by santy on Aug 20, 2010 15:02:29 GMT
There's a certain poster who we're forbidden from talking about openly anymore, do you know where we could best form an underground cult within the oatcake to keep it alive?
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Post by neoisd1 on Aug 20, 2010 15:16:28 GMT
Rate, taken the advice, however right or wrong, and accepted the friend request Now, do I send a message or just wait for her to come online ??? ;D Wait............................wait - dunner go chasin' at this point. Waiting and no chasing, got it. No harm in looking at her pictures though eh ;D ;D |
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Post by One-Two on Aug 20, 2010 16:07:18 GMT
Dear Aunty Wend, I'm struggling with an irrational hatred of Craig Charles  What can I do? One-Two |
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Post by isaaccox on Aug 20, 2010 16:38:49 GMT
Dear wendy,
I have a problem, i desperately want to see pat butchers trumping turd tube, i have been in love with her for years, but i recently found out that pat butcher was just a character in a TV soap.I was heart broken, but then i thought "Fucking hell, who is she in real life then" My love for Pat st clemont took off.BUT , i then found out that she was a lesbian.This gave me heart faliure, i was that heart broken.I have now recovered and i'm thinking of turning lesbian myself so that she would go out with me.What do you think?
Isaac
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Post by PoisonedDonkey on Aug 20, 2010 16:43:15 GMT
I concur with SiG - but you also need to take photos* and post them too *obviously of her and not you. Rate, taken the advice, however right or wrong, and accepted the friend request Now, do I send a message or just wait for her to come online ??? ;D Wait for her to come online and then open up a chat and ask her to marry you ... or is it too soon? |
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Aug 20, 2010 22:55:20 GMT
Aunty Wend,
I've currently got a rate flaky big toe.
What should I do?
Regards, Boother.
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Post by rhodesy on Aug 20, 2010 23:02:25 GMT
Dear Wendy, no girl wants my lala up their lulu
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Post by fullmetaljacket on Aug 22, 2010 0:24:46 GMT
Aunty Wend, I've currently got a rate flaky big toe. What should I do? Regards, Boother. Firstly, I suggest you scour the local newspaper for missing people. Then cut your toe off and post it to the worried family of aforementioned missing person. Type a not scrawled in blood, stating that they're alive for now but if they ever want to see them again they need to pay a bounty, post to the victim along with your toe. Result, you win. You've gotten rid of the flakey big toe and more than enough cash to have surgery to attach a new big toe. Hope this helps. PS. If you feel extra daring you could also send this note to the police. They may give you an upgrade on your current address. We all now that addresses that only contain letters are better than numbers. H.M.P has a much better ring to it than no 78 for example. |
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Post by truckerged on Aug 22, 2010 10:38:22 GMT
dear wendy i was fullof optimism before i opened up the oatcake, i thought we were poor v wolves but can understand that after kj going off and we were poor in the first half yesterday but we were much better 2nd half and were well worth at least a point. however after reading the posts we are now doomed AFTER TWO GAMES!!!! so i am now going to take some poison, slash my wrists, then hang myself   |
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Post by scfcmacca on Aug 22, 2010 11:10:13 GMT
i have a t-shirt thats just abit to big for me but the next size down is too small should i pad my self out with pillows?
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Post by mermaidsal on Aug 22, 2010 12:48:14 GMT
So... is Auntie Wend going to answer our life-threatening problems or are we stuck in mid-air now ;D |
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Post by Inverness Stokie on Aug 22, 2010 19:22:14 GMT
Auntie Wend.
I'm a soft bastard!
Help needed urgently.
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Post by mermaidsal on Aug 22, 2010 19:34:16 GMT
Auntie Wend. I'm a soft bastard! Help needed urgently. It's true, he is |
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Post by Mr Wheeze on Aug 22, 2010 19:56:39 GMT
Dear Wendy
I currently have 500k sitting in my back pocket. I was looking and hoping to invest this money piss this money up the wall by putting it into a local football club local sewer. The club sewer in question have kindly shamefully turned down my offer.
The big question now is what should i do with all these spondoolies i want to fritter away?
Thanks in advance
Mr M Newton
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Post by Inverness Stokie on Aug 22, 2010 20:15:44 GMT
Dear Wendy I currently have 500k sitting in my back pocket. I was looking and hoping to invest this money piss this money up the wall by putting it into a local football club local sewer. The club sewer in question have kindly shamefully turned down my offer. The big question now is what should i do with all these spondoolies i want to fritter away? Thanks in advance Mr M Newton ;D |
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Post by ihaveadream on Aug 22, 2010 22:05:25 GMT
Dear Wendy I currently have 500k sitting in my back pocket. I was looking and hoping to invest this money piss this money up the wall by putting it into a local football club local sewer. The club sewer in question have kindly shamefully turned down my offer. The big question now is what should i do with all these spondoolies i want to fritter away? Thanks in advance Mr M Newton Before you do anything else go and have a good wash, you stink of Vale. |
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